Convergence

[00:00:00] On episode three of Convergence, drinking the manifestation Kool-Aid,

[00:00:04] finding out what our dream lives are, and dealing with ambiguity.

[00:00:16] At the beginning of last episode, when you asked me, so tell me about manifesting,

[00:00:19] I was like, oh no, oh no, he asked for it. I sure did. Yeah, I think it's interesting how

[00:00:28] so much of this particular method that we linked to in the previous episode,

[00:00:36] forgive me, clumsily named to be magnetic, I'm sure there's a very good, well, I'm sure there's

[00:00:42] a reason for it, it's not a good reason, it's a bad name, but there is a lot in there that is

[00:00:49] interesting that you look at and just go, this is, and this is not at all a slant or a slam on the

[00:00:57] program, but you look at it and go, yeah, that's like fundamental sort of psychological stuff,

[00:01:04] and there's this idea of unblocking an expansion, and an expansion is in order to see that something,

[00:01:13] and this is just from my, I'm sure you can come with the correct explanation,

[00:01:18] but just from my sort of interpretation, you need people around you who you can learn from,

[00:01:24] or you can gain inspiration from, to see that the thing that you want is possible,

[00:01:28] like that just seems, and not just possible for anyone, but possible for you, and someone like

[00:01:33] you, and yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, and you know, the unblocking is what I've yet to do,

[00:01:38] and I've got some workshops to, and some meditations to listen to, so I'll enjoy doing

[00:01:46] that, but it is, so much of it is, as the, as Lacey, who runs the thing says, you know, it is

[00:01:53] rooted in psychology, and I think there's a whole other positioning of this, that is exactly the

[00:02:00] same thing, but doesn't work, use words like universe, doesn't necessarily use words like

[00:02:06] manifesting, but is equally effective, and again, like that's, I think that's fine, and that's,

[00:02:13] it's just interesting, but you know, this is positioned to people that have tried manifestation

[00:02:19] before, and it hasn't worked for them, yeah, and this is about saying, you know, because it's even

[00:02:23] down to things like, and I think this is really important for anyone listening, who is wondering,

[00:02:27] you know, why, why is Stedman suddenly drinking some sort of Kool-Aid? One of the really

[00:02:33] interesting things that sort of, they don't necessarily mention in the literature,

[00:02:36] is you can't just, like, this isn't, this is not magic, you can't manifest your dead goldfish back

[00:02:44] to life, you manifest things that are actually achievable, but you hadn't thought that they

[00:02:52] are achievable, and that's the, that's kind of the key thing, I think, it's, to me anyway, and I will

[00:02:57] actually stop and let you talk, to me anyway, a lot of this feels just like awakening, and opening

[00:03:04] your eyes, and opening your ears, and funnily enough, it seems congruent with the song that I

[00:03:12] wrote a few, a couple of months ago, you need to listen. No, yeah, I actually, I made that

[00:03:19] connection too, like, this is about manifesting, this is amazing. And so that's kind of what it,

[00:03:25] what it's about, but yeah, that's, that's kind of, that's kind of my take, and I'm digging it so far.

[00:03:31] Awesome, awesome, I'm, I'm so glad you, you drank the flavorade with us, and yeah, you made that

[00:03:36] comment about the cult, and I, when, when, when you did that, I had, like, a bunch of trains of

[00:03:42] thought going through my head, I went with the literal in the chat room, but I was, one thought

[00:03:47] was, like, oh, if you think this is a cult, don't get me started on above and beyond, oh my gosh,

[00:03:53] Cameron's getting a tattoo, or I was thinking, like, oh, one of us, one of us, one of us.

[00:04:01] Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

[00:04:03] And, and I had a couple other, like, funny chains of thought going in, like, but yeah, like,

[00:04:10] you know, Lacey, there's definitely a kind of a cult of personality around her, and around,

[00:04:16] you know, she has a big following and stuff, and I don't know, I don't follow it, I don't,

[00:04:19] I'm not on Instagram or anything like that, so I don't see it.

[00:04:26] I just like the tools, and, and, yeah, like you said, like, these aren't unique to, well,

[00:04:34] you know, TBM has, like, kind of a, a unique package of them all put together.

[00:04:39] Yes, that's exactly the word, that's exactly the word, yeah.

[00:04:42] And especially with some of the things like the, the DIs with the, you know, the binaural beats,

[00:04:50] and the way that there's, like, specific frequencies used for specific types of either

[00:05:02] opening and blocking and expansion and other aspects like that, like, and, you know, they

[00:05:08] keep throwing around words like, this is neuroscience, and it's scientifically backed,

[00:05:15] and this and that, I'm like, no, sold, you got me, and that sounds great.

[00:05:19] Yeah, I mean, the, the, the expanded podcast talks about sort of dispelling the woo-woo,

[00:05:25] and, you know, which is, which is, yeah, kind of speaking, speaking my language, and yeah,

[00:05:29] even the, the, the DIs that Brendan's referring to, these deeper imaginings, which are

[00:05:33] essentially meditations, well, they're not, they are, they're pieces of hypnosis,

[00:05:37] and my friend, Anna, who I've, you know, will be screaming at her audio playing device,

[00:05:45] should she listen to this, going, I've been talking about this for literal years,

[00:05:50] about how everything is hypnosis, we hypnotise ourselves all the time, we enter hypnagogic

[00:05:55] states, or hypnagogic, you know, and, and, you know, Lacey's talked about that in,

[00:06:00] oh God, I already sound like, oh, there's the sound of the Kool-Aid, Lacey talks about,

[00:06:06] Lacey teaches that, you know, we do that when we're in, when we're watching TV,

[00:06:11] when we're sat and watching TV, or watching a film, you know, and I think I've done that

[00:06:15] when I'm listening to music, we get into a, a state, and yeah, absolutely, and this is

[00:06:21] stuff to help you do that, so that this stuff can slip right into your subconscious, and

[00:06:27] yeah, I'm, I'm interested to keep, keep going with that, and seeing what little changes I

[00:06:33] notice, because, yeah, I love all that kind of brain hackery, and our, the whole thing of

[00:06:39] our thoughts create our actions, our actions create our habits, our habits create our destiny,

[00:06:43] like, I'm, you know, big, big fan of that. Me too. I'm excited, I'm excited for you,

[00:06:49] like, if you were to have some of the same benefits that, that I've had from doing this

[00:06:54] program, which a lot of them have been self-confidence, huge, and it's, self-confidence

[00:07:04] is, like, that's great, but that's also, like, such a minor way of saying it, it's more like,

[00:07:12] like, just trust, just, like, things are gonna happen in the right way, and what I've noticed

[00:07:21] for me is, like, I'm, I'm no longer, one of their words, the phrases they use is dog paddling,

[00:07:27] I'm not frantically trying to get the things that I want in order, yeah, you know, like,

[00:07:35] running around, wasting energy on a bunch of stuff, I'm just, like,

[00:07:39] relaxed, okay, it's gonna come in, great, I just gotta do the next step, what's the next thing I

[00:07:45] need to do, and I'm just, you know, what I want is going to happen, and that, that relief is just

[00:07:58] indescribably fantastic. Well, I, yeah, I look forward to achieving it, I think I'm definitely

[00:08:05] in that stage of, right now, with the, sort of, designing, in a sense, or pre-designing the,

[00:08:14] sort of, next stage of what I want, because I think I'm, I think I've decided that,

[00:08:21] there is a lot of, so, one of the, the, the things that I think is, is interesting in, again, in, in

[00:08:26] the, in the approach here is, you've got the, typically, the things that you want to, as, as

[00:08:34] they would say, call in, are things that are above your station, in terms of how, about what your

[00:08:42] self-worth is, and so they're on one platform, and you're on a lower platform, and the idea is that

[00:08:48] you've got to raise that platform so that the two meet, and that is, again, it's like, you hear this

[00:08:54] stuff, and you go, yeah, that makes total sense, like, that, that makes sense, you, you have to be

[00:08:59] able to see that this stuff is possible, because, and I've done this all the time, and, and one of

[00:09:02] the things that came up in the, the meditation yesterday was a, a memory, and it's, it wasn't

[00:09:09] a trapped memory, it wasn't, you know, a big unlocking, but it was one of those that I just think

[00:09:12] about, where, and I won't call the person out, because I love them so much, and they're, like, my best

[00:09:17] friend, and I wouldn't want them to, to feel that there's any ill will here, because there isn't, but

[00:09:22] many, many, many years ago, I said I wanted to do something on the internet for the first time,

[00:09:28] like, I went, I, I thought, you know, this was, like, 2000, or 2001, and I thought, I'm going to create a

[00:09:36] website, and I told this person, I'm going to create a website where I review, where I watch

[00:09:40] films, and I review them, like, what a novel idea for 2000, and this person was, like, why, who'd read them?

[00:09:49] And I think that there's an element there that I think has stuck in that,

[00:09:57] I can get so far, but then I, I very much get that, and, you know, we can use all the typical labels

[00:10:02] that we talk about, imposter syndrome, and all that kind of stuff, but there is, again, to use, I

[00:10:08] guess, more of the borrowed terminology, a glass ceiling, and you and I have probably spoken about

[00:10:15] this, and I've spoken to other people about this sense of not just necessarily a glass ceiling, but

[00:10:19] a whole glass box, where it feels like you can only get so far in what you're doing, and then it just

[00:10:25] feels like you meet this resistance, and it's like, I've been doing stuff for the last few years that

[00:10:30] should work in massive, you know, massive quote marks, like, this should work, like, I did the research, I

[00:10:35] did the thinking, I've put loads of effort into it, you know, I've been doggy paddling, oh yeah, this should

[00:10:41] work, and now it's time to look at what happens when we don't necessarily do the things that we

[00:10:48] think should work, but perhaps the things that bring us joy, or get us closer to what we want, and

[00:10:54] yeah, and you're going to be able to do it without the internal voice inside you

[00:11:00] telling you, why do it, like, who's gonna, yeah, and those little comments, they're so

[00:11:07] innocent and understandable, but at the same time, they nest their way in there in your

[00:11:15] psyche, and stay there until you do the work to really work it out, and process that.

[00:11:23] And there's a lot of attachment theory stuff in here as well, that, you know, a lot of the

[00:11:29] thing that comes up is what is imprinted on you from the ages of zero to seven, which is very much

[00:11:35] what attachment theory talks about, and the, you know, the different attachment styles that we

[00:11:41] develop are based on what we got from our primary caregivers at the time, and yeah, you know, if

[00:11:48] there were moments of where we were looking for safety, or looking for trust, or looking,

[00:11:54] or we were trusting and looking for safety, and we didn't get it, then that becomes just a little,

[00:12:00] you know, ping, something just lights up in your brain, or dims, and that's just it. Now, that

[00:12:05] circuit burns out until you get the opportunity to rework those neural pathways, I guess.

[00:12:12] Yeah, repetition of the correct, not correct, but more positive way of thinking,

[00:12:20] and more aligned with yourself. Well, speaking of aligned, you've got your, you've got your

[00:12:26] aligned, I always forget, I forget the term, the four words. Yes, my authentic code. Authentic

[00:12:33] code, yeah. An authentic code can, it can change over time, so this is just your authentic code

[00:12:40] for the moment, and, and it can only be, because you mentioned, like, one of them was something

[00:12:45] that you were kind of surprised by, that it was your inner child's, possibly, code, and I was

[00:12:52] thinking, movement, that can kind of make sense, like, earlier on in this process, too, because

[00:12:57] you've got inner child work to do, and maybe that inner child needs movement right now, and maybe

[00:13:03] you don't, or maybe a different word would be better for you later on, after you've gone through

[00:13:09] some. It's funny, like, I never enjoyed exercise as a kid, never enjoyed running, I used to hate the

[00:13:15] cross-country run that we used to have to do at school, absolutely hate it with a passion, but

[00:13:21] there are certain games that involved running that I was quite happy to do, you know, make it

[00:13:27] a game, make it a game that I enjoy, don't, don't make it a ball game, and, and I'm, and I'm there,

[00:13:33] and I used to love cycling, I used to love my bike, and, and the freedom that that gave me, and going,

[00:13:39] you know, and I miss that, and in, in some ways, it's like, my life has sort of been made a bit

[00:13:47] smaller as I've got older, because there are certain things you're not supposed to do with a

[00:13:51] bike when you're older, everybody does it, by the way, everybody rides on the pavement, but you're

[00:13:56] not supposed to ride on the pavement. I got told off once by an old, by an old bloke for doing so,

[00:14:02] but everybody does it. Um, are you supposed to ride on the sidewalk? You're supposed to ride on, you know,

[00:14:07] you're not, uh, not in the UK, anyway. Yeah, where are you supposed to ride? On the road with the traffic.

[00:14:13] Oh, okay, that's, okay, I, I would call that pavement here. What? You're not supposed to ride on the

[00:14:19] sidewalk, is, is what you're saying. Yeah, you're not supposed to ride on the sidewalk, you're supposed

[00:14:22] to ride on the road, yeah, where the traffic, does the traffic. Yeah, everybody does that here, too.

[00:14:27] Yeah, but, but, you know, and, and again, like, the, I don't know, it gets into whole lots of,

[00:14:33] lots of other things, like, I bought a bike, uh, it took ages, and, and, you know, my, my work,

[00:14:38] my old employer helped pay for it, and I got it stashed away, and I tried cycling to work for a

[00:14:44] couple of days, um, and, and I, I needed to do it myself in order to then discover, actually, this

[00:14:51] is a little bit precarious, because, uh, I could tip into the canal quite easily, or,

[00:14:56] you know, you can get someone knocked over, or, uh, what I nearly did was, um,

[00:15:02] ride over someone's, uh, what they call them, the, the, the rope that is tied to the boat to

[00:15:11] moor it, you know, um, and nearly sort of went straight, straight through that, like, there's

[00:15:18] all sorts of challenges that, yeah, you know, but I had to do it myself, right, um, I couldn't be

[00:15:24] told by someone else, like, and that's, you know, that, that, that's a, that's a whole other,

[00:15:28] that's a whole other kettle of, uh, kettle of worms, but, um, yeah, movement, turns out.

[00:15:36] So, um, the, the stuff begins in earnest, uh, next week, and I'm conscious that I don't

[00:15:45] necessarily want every episode of Convergence. Oh, yeah, no, I mean, this is not a TVM podcast.

[00:15:50] But, but, um, I'm interested to, yeah, to, to, so we're about to enter into, uh, I guess,

[00:15:59] a, a month long, actually, it's longer than that, isn't it? It's a, a, a challenge, um,

[00:16:04] to, to manifest, and so I think there's a couple of us who have not done this work before,

[00:16:09] that are trying to race in to catch up before we start on Monday, so,

[00:16:13] yeah, tell us what have we, what, what can we expect? Oh, so, yeah, I've done, um, I've done

[00:16:20] two and a half, well, actually, you know, if I'm going to be completely honest, I have not finished

[00:16:27] a challenge yet. Um, I have been doing TBM work for about a year and a half, maybe two years. Um,

[00:16:35] they started doing the, I started noticing that they did the challenges maybe, um, a year or so

[00:16:41] ago. Uh, so, uh, last year in their end of the year, summer, or under the year challenge, um,

[00:16:49] I got most of the way through it. Maybe I completed it. I don't really know. I can't

[00:16:53] really remember, but what I will say is that I, I got a huge benefit out of it, even with as much

[00:17:00] as I did. Um, it starts off, uh, well, you know, each, each one is actually kind of different.

[00:17:08] The summer challenge was pretty different. Um, and, and that also at the same time, it's all

[00:17:12] kind of the same. They take you through, uh, a week at a time, uh, uh, opening up different,

[00:17:18] um, sections that will have journal entry prompts and new DIs, new, new meditations that are

[00:17:26] specific for whatever the, the challenge is supposed to be in this challenge this year,

[00:17:31] at the end of the year is for creating your dream life. And, uh, and that's really, for me,

[00:17:37] that's really interesting. Cause I'm kind of like, what, what do I want more than my life right now?

[00:17:43] Like, I'm so happy. I'm, I, you know, like we talked about in the first episode, I feel like

[00:17:47] the serene Buddha and I'm like, well, what's, what's next? Like, I don't, I don't even know

[00:17:57] what I want. And so I'm excited because the first week should have us going through things that,

[00:18:04] that bring that out of us, that bring those questions out and try, um, to get us to

[00:18:09] investigate ourselves on what do I actually want? Um, I have thought of one thing that's,

[00:18:16] that's pretty major and that's a bit more of a financial security and stability, you know,

[00:18:20] but a bit like, um, you know, a new, a new remodeling project will come in and that will

[00:18:26] get me flush. And then I'm, you know, working through that until the next one. And I just kind

[00:18:30] of up and down and phases. And I don't, I don't have, I don't have a savings. I don't have a

[00:18:36] retirement fund. I don't have security for the longterm and stuff. And so, um, you know,

[00:18:42] with us planning for having kids and, and other stuff like that's gotta, that's gotta be a huge

[00:18:47] priority for me. Um, not just for myself, but the whole family. And then, and then as the weeks go

[00:18:54] on, um, there'll be a bit more, like, it'll kind of go deeper. Sometimes there'll be stuff that's

[00:19:01] like really unblocking and you'll have to do some deep processing and kind of like expose some

[00:19:07] inner truths about yourself and come to realizations and accept things about yourself that maybe,

[00:19:13] that are in your shadow, that are things that you, um, much like, much like the comment your

[00:19:20] friend made, um, things that you took to heart that really affect you that maybe you didn't

[00:19:26] realize really affect you or, um, definitely, definitely things that your parents may have done

[00:19:32] with the best intentions or not, you know, that just happen. And it doesn't matter the intention

[00:19:38] behind it. What matters is that it happened to you and it's affecting you. And now you can,

[00:19:46] you can process that and change it or not change it, but accept it and not let it negatively

[00:19:52] affect you as you keep going forward. And so that's, that's a big part of it as it goes through.

[00:19:57] And I don't know, I'm kind of, um, unsure about a lot of what's coming up, even though I've gone

[00:20:04] through the challenges before. Um, I don't, I don't exactly know what to expect, but your,

[00:20:11] your acting is guide, uh, to a few of us now. Yeah, that's true. So, uh, that's, uh, you know,

[00:20:17] you, you can be our blindly blind blind. Yeah. Um, but you know, as, as with so much of this,

[00:20:25] um, you only have to be a couple of, a couple of steps ahead, a couple of steps ahead. Yes. Agreed.

[00:20:30] It makes, makes all the difference. So I haven't really,

[00:20:36] and I, I'm, I'm, I'm hesitant as to what I reveal here. Cause I think we talked about this in

[00:20:44] episode one about, um, if you say it too early, too early, you, you, yeah. Um, but it's such a

[00:20:53] monumental and long-term I think shift. Um, so one of the questions that came up, um,

[00:21:01] very early in the process, uh, I think it was Monday or Tuesday was essentially, as I'm sort

[00:21:07] of working through some of this sat on the sofa going, what, what do I want? What do I actually

[00:21:13] want? What can I not? What do I feel like I can ask for? Yes. Oh, that's, that's a really great

[00:21:20] framing of it because the, the, the first part is so that's so limiting and, uh, you just gotta

[00:21:27] go for it. You just gotta, what do I actually, what would be ideal? What throw the biggest,

[00:21:33] best scenario? What is that? I want to, so the, the very simplest way of saying this

[00:21:40] is I want to be paid for being me. The, how that, what that actually means is

[00:21:49] I want to provide parts of myself as, as a service. Um, but as a, um, in digital form,

[00:21:59] um, in presence as well. Um, that is the, the stuff that I have only discovered in the last

[00:22:06] couple of years, couple of years, it turns out I can do, which has helped people feel safe when

[00:22:11] it comes to creating work that they want to create or not knowing whether they can create,

[00:22:16] not knowing whether they should, whether they are allowed a voice and that kind of stuff.

[00:22:21] But there's also, okay, you know, you're, you're actually creating what do we do when you get a

[00:22:26] few iterations in and you start feeling like no one cares or no one's listening or it's lonely,

[00:22:32] like, you know, all this kind of stuff. Um, and I, I, I sort of, I wrote a thing earlier

[00:22:38] in this week, I've written two things this week. Um, but I wrote a thing earlier in the week,

[00:22:42] which I think kind of encapsulates what, what that is to a degree. Um, and so, yeah, I've got

[00:22:48] a sort of a few ideas of how it actually breaks down, but with that, there still comes a lot of,

[00:22:55] like, not just imposter syndrome, but, and it's not really imposter syndrome at all.

[00:23:01] It's more just, I, I have, I do not know if I am, uh, good enough, which is not the same as

[00:23:09] imposter syndrome, because I don't think I'm, I'm not blowing in here as an imposter. I'm simply,

[00:23:16] I don't know, maybe it is, but yeah. So there's, there's a whole question there about my self

[00:23:22] belief and my, my idea of my self worth and, you know, who wants to engage with that and do I

[00:23:28] actually have the skills and all those kinds of things. And it's, it's, yeah, it's like,

[00:23:33] I feel like I do, but I don't know. And you'll find out. Yeah. I'm excited for you, man.

[00:23:39] I'm excited for me too. And our little group that we have going.

[00:23:43] Yes, we've, yeah, we've got a, we've got a lovely little, uh, a lovely little pod.

[00:23:48] So do you use a Descript to edit this podcast as a big, huge shift?

[00:23:53] I love it. Um, no, I do not. I, I am not. Uh, I am back to using logic to edit this.

[00:24:03] Okay. Just for this show or for everything?

[00:24:06] No, just for this show, because, um, it enables me to not cause what, you know,

[00:24:12] one of the requirements of this, uh, of doing this is that it was easy. Yes. Um, you and I know that

[00:24:20] there's stuff that we can talk about here and not just ramble. We know that there's,

[00:24:24] there's areas that we can, you know, hopefully be, uh, uh, at that point, my brain, my brain

[00:24:32] actually leaves me at the point at which I needed the word, uh, but we can make sense.

[00:24:38] Usually. Um, and so it needed to be easy. And so one of the ways that it's easy is for me to

[00:24:46] do a sort of fairly light edit. If I get into Descript, I get into editing the actual, like

[00:24:52] every word because I can't not. Um, and that led me to last week, I think discovering that

[00:25:03] an aspect of editing in Descript. Um, this is not a formal, uh, declaration,

[00:25:14] so please don't sue me Descript and I won't sue you. Um, but I think I'm getting migraines

[00:25:22] from Descript. Oh no. What is going on? I think, um, going too quickly through the edit

[00:25:30] and watching the screen as the words blip by looking for corrections to be made.

[00:25:39] Um, I think doing that for a prolonged period is no bueno. Um, yeah, so I, I think I, I had a big

[00:25:49] day of it last Monday and edited four episodes on the trot, um, and finish the day and was a

[00:25:58] little bit tired and then had a stonking headache for two and a half days. Um, and I've got them

[00:26:05] before and it's only, you know, last week where I just thought I'd look up and go,

[00:26:11] is this actually a migraine? And it ticks pretty much the appropriate boxes for being a migraine

[00:26:17] in as much as yet it lasts for, can last for 72 hours. If you take the right kind of medication,

[00:26:22] um, you can, you know, lessen the headache, uh, but it can lead to a bit nausea. Um,

[00:26:28] there's other stuff as well. You know, a bit of fatigue I think was in there.

[00:26:32] Um, and you know, you've just got to rest and you know, it's, sometimes it's, it's taken me out for

[00:26:39] a, for a day or so. And if I can start to see that pattern and, you know, all sorts of things can,

[00:26:46] can bring a migraine stress and, and, and other things. Um, if you start to see that pattern,

[00:26:51] then you got to do something about it. Well, from what I know about migraines, they are, um,

[00:26:59] uh, light has a big factor in it and it's the, the way it comes into, uh,

[00:27:06] comes into your sensory inputs. Um, I, I do a couple of things, uh,

[00:27:14] when I edit in Descript that for me severely lower the eye strain. Uh, and I, uh, two things.

[00:27:22] One, I'd like the dark mode. I don't know if you use the dark mode or not, but that's,

[00:27:26] that's pretty great to me. Yeah. I, I don't because I, I,

[00:27:33] there's something about, I don't know, lots of white text on a black background. I haven't

[00:27:39] actually sat with it for any length of time. So I'll have to say, see, see what it does.

[00:27:42] It could be, could be, um, a lot more helpful than yeah. Big white box glaring at you.

[00:27:48] And the other one is a bit weirder. Um, I got a piece of translucent red clear acrylic and the,

[00:27:59] the size of my Mac book screen. And I just placed that right in front of the screen.

[00:28:04] And so the whole thing is red. Everything is, is red toned, uh, coming in and it's,

[00:28:10] it also dims it by about 50%. So actually I tend to brighten this up a little bit,

[00:28:14] so it can actually come through. Um, but I often edit at night and I'm a, I'm a big proponent of,

[00:28:21] um, lowering a blocking blue light before sleep. Um, in my experience and Margaret's experience,

[00:28:29] we both have found a lot of, um, help with that. We, we both have like red,

[00:28:36] blue light blocking glasses that we wear in the last couple hours of night. And, uh, I do this,

[00:28:42] this thing with my computer screen to just block all blue and green light coming in.

[00:28:47] And, um, I've noticed that since I've done that, since I've been doing that, uh,

[00:28:52] Descript or otherwise, I feel so much less fatigue, um, and I strain from using my computer.

[00:29:00] So that's an interesting piece of toolkit that could work for other people.

[00:29:06] Indeed. Um, I'm, I'm highly overdue, uh, cause as a, as a sort of an aside to this,

[00:29:12] I'm highly overdue, uh, calling up, um, someone to get, uh, some equipment. Cause so back in the day,

[00:29:22] I used to have a monitor arms. This is when I used to live with my parents that we managed to

[00:29:28] find a, uh, you know, a monitor arm. Um, and it was brilliant because I could get

[00:29:34] the monitor as close to my, uh, clapped out eyeballs as I need to, um, without it affecting

[00:29:41] my posture. Uh, and you know, now 20 years or so later, um, I'm still kind of hunched over

[00:29:53] because I haven't really been able to replicate that setup. Um, and so it's something that, uh,

[00:29:59] yeah, I've got to, I've got to get sorted because if I can, if I can put one of these big monitors,

[00:30:04] I've got a lovely, I mean, it's not one of the fancy monitors that the fancy people talk about,

[00:30:09] but it's, you know, good. Um, and if I can get that right up close to my face, uh, then that's

[00:30:15] just going to help, you know, posture and lots of other things as well and potential squintage.

[00:30:21] Um, so yeah, that's this, you know, just, just another thing to add to the list.

[00:30:25] When you, when you initially talked about Descript giving you migraines, I was thinking,

[00:30:29] um, uh, about all the bugs that they have and all the different, uh, like an annoyance migraine,

[00:30:37] not necessarily a life factor. And I was thinking that doesn't help. No, it hasn't. But the last

[00:30:46] month or so, I feel like they finally squashed all the things that are really annoying for me.

[00:30:52] And, uh, it's, it's finally like kind of easy to use, except also, I mean, this isn't a bug at

[00:30:58] all, but I have let my pro subscription lapse. Um, I didn't renew it because I only edit one podcast

[00:31:06] and, uh, they limit the studio sound to files under an hour. And, um, so I can only do, I can

[00:31:17] only use it on files under an hour and the podcast, the podcaster sends me, it's like an hour, 10,

[00:31:25] hour 15. And, and she does a pre-edit on it. And so I can't, it's, there's no easy way to like

[00:31:33] take it out, split it and put it back in because I need to go through and make sure that her edits

[00:31:37] are good. So I just don't use studio sound on the main part anymore, but, um, but otherwise it's

[00:31:44] been, uh, it's been going great for me. So what is, what else has been, uh, as, as, as, as we say

[00:31:51] in, in our, in our enlightened communities, what else has been alive for you? Oh my God, dude. Um,

[00:31:57] so right after this, uh, speaking of manifestations right after this podcast recording,

[00:32:04] uh, I'm going to have an interview. My first job interview in 15 years. Um,

[00:32:14] yeah. So there's a place called, uh, well, this, this, this is hot spring resort that I went to

[00:32:21] in 2015. Um, that, that kind of changed my life. It was, it was a magical experience. I had never,

[00:32:31] um, I didn't know a place like this existed and it just, it was incredible. And they, um,

[00:32:39] I can't remember if I, if I talked about this on a previous episode about all the details about

[00:32:45] anyways, it's, it's, it, they've got the hot springs, they've got multiple pools and, and

[00:32:50] they've got, uh, they, they've capped off one of the hot springs or one of the geysers that there

[00:32:57] was there, this geothermal activity in it, it capped it off and tapped into it to, to, um,

[00:33:06] to power, uh, or to heat, um, water that they pump through a bunch of different cabins. So you got

[00:33:13] radiant heat free in a bunch of different cabins. So even though it's kind of in the middle of

[00:33:17] nowhere and off the grid, they've got, you know, it's, it's warm and cozy and, um, they've got a

[00:33:24] big event space. They, they give, uh, they have a, a complimentary food, um, bar with really

[00:33:32] excellent quality food, uh, and saunas and, and trails and, and a bunch of other cool stuff.

[00:33:38] What everything you'd expect from an amazing, uh, uh, off grid retreat space.

[00:33:45] And I went there and I was just, and it was that this, this, you know, when you go to a place and

[00:33:50] it's just like, you can palpably feel as you walk into the space, just this serenity and connection

[00:33:59] and euphoria. And it's just like, Oh, this is the place. Like, no wonder they settled here.

[00:34:06] Wow. This place feels amazing. You go to like a national park or, or, or some special

[00:34:14] land like that. You know, you get that feeling. Um, and this place has it. And, um, anyways,

[00:34:23] I had a great time when I was there and they do a facilities tour. They show you like how they do

[00:34:30] the water filtration and how they set up the hydroelectricity and, and how the geothermal stuff

[00:34:37] works and a bunch of other stuff. And I, you know, I did the tour because I'm fascinated in building

[00:34:41] and all that kind of stuff and off grid everything. And, and they have like a little community of

[00:34:48] people living in little tiny homes and trailers off to the side and in the North area of the

[00:34:54] people that just live there and work there. And I'm like, man, that would be cool to just,

[00:35:02] just be away, just live with this little community, making this land, you know,

[00:35:07] caretaking for this land and this, this, um, masterpiece of, of, uh, of a resort. And, uh,

[00:35:17] so yeah, so I'm on the email newsletter and they sent, Hey, you know, we need, um,

[00:35:22] a maintenance technician. We need somebody who's, we need a handyman. And I'm like, um,

[00:35:30] this is what I signed up for this newsletter for like, this is, this is the dream. Uh,

[00:35:36] so I applied and I'm, I've, um, I got a good response from my, from my email and, and we're

[00:35:44] going to do a video interview after this call. And I'm really excited about it. And this is,

[00:35:50] you know, it's, it's early a day. Definitely. There's definitely competition and, you know,

[00:35:55] it's no guarantee, but it feels like, well, two things. One, it feels like it's going to happen.

[00:36:04] Um, and also whether it happens or not, this has been so expansive for me. Um,

[00:36:16] I've, I've said for many years, I am ruined as an employee. Uh,

[00:36:22] Brenton Bush, don't listen to this. Um, I, uh, being self-employed for so long,

[00:36:29] I, I, I can't see myself working for somebody else and, and, and doing what they dictate,

[00:36:35] you know, and cause I, I have my own ideas. I have my own processes. I have my own

[00:36:40] flow and, and speed, and it's not the same. It's not a corporate job. You know, I could,

[00:36:46] I could, and that's the thing is I couldn't fit into a corporate job. I couldn't

[00:36:50] push papers. I couldn't do that. But like, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is,

[00:36:56] but like, this is, this is opening my mind a bit thinking like I could definitely work

[00:37:03] for a cool little community that all is coming towards the same goal of greatness, like that

[00:37:10] easy. And, and so it kind of, you know, expanded my mind a bit of like, Oh, I could,

[00:37:16] even if Brighton Bush doesn't work out, I, I could look at this, this other resorts,

[00:37:21] there's other places, like, this isn't the only cool place. And, um, my, my, my long-term dream

[00:37:31] of owning a property that has, you know, tiny homes that I build on it and, and an event space.

[00:37:36] And, and, you know, that's a lot modeled after this trip to Brighton Bush and this exact space.

[00:37:42] And, um, I'm more or less just wanting to recreate that and live there. I'm like, well,

[00:37:48] maybe I don't have to buy it. I mean, yeah, but also like, maybe I don't have to do all the work.

[00:37:56] Like I can just, I can just be there and do the cool things I want to do without having to fork

[00:38:03] over, you know, work a shit ton to make all this money so that I can buy it and own it. I don't

[00:38:08] need to own it. I don't care about that. I just want to be, I just want to be in this space.

[00:38:14] You have it. Yeah. Um, so like, that's even better. And that's the cool thing about

[00:38:22] manifestation is that you put something on your list and you get that or better.

[00:38:27] Yeah. Or you, you get the thing that's behind the thing that you thought.

[00:38:30] Yeah. What you actually want, even though something you wrote down. Exactly.

[00:38:34] So what does this, so should you, should you get this? What, what does it mean for

[00:38:40] what you, you know, for your current obligations?

[00:38:46] So I plan on still, so I have a guy helping me out, uh, doing a lot of, um, a lot of the labor.

[00:38:56] So I'm, I'm hiring out a lot of labor and I'm for, for rockstar. And I, I do like the, um, uh,

[00:39:02] client relations, contracts, estimates, you know, booking, um, and a lot of the

[00:39:11] expert level construction stuff, you know, and the fine tuning finishing work and, um,

[00:39:19] and materials and everything. It's, it's funny when I, when I first hired my friend to come

[00:39:26] work with us, I, it felt a bit, it felt pretty weird. It felt super weird after doing all of the

[00:39:33] work for 13 years. And then having a guy come and start to help me, um, doing the, doing the labor

[00:39:43] part, I had wrapped up all my self-worth in the labor part, because that was the thing I was doing

[00:39:49] day to day that felt the most productive, that felt the most visible to both the clients and myself.

[00:39:56] And I, I felt so worthless. I felt, I hired this guy because I was going through a major health

[00:40:04] recovery, um, doing a lot of transitions, trying a lot of new drugs and therapies to get myself to,

[00:40:11] to rebuild my body so that I could be healthy again. And it worked. I'm, I'm feeling way better,

[00:40:18] but it, you know, I, I still, I still need the assistance. I don't, I can't, I still can't do

[00:40:25] all the, I don't, I don't want to be lifting 80 pound bags of concrete, you know, to and from the

[00:40:29] job site a whole bunch of times. Like I just, I need to take better care of my body for the long

[00:40:33] term. And, um, and so I'm, I'm really happy to still have, um, still have some help. But that,

[00:40:44] what that process revealed to me was that like, oh, I was doing eight jobs and I just hired out

[00:40:50] one of them, um, which I thought was the most important, but actually, you know, like that

[00:40:59] job can't even happen if I don't do the other seven jobs and, and, and do them really well.

[00:41:06] And so that's been, um, that's, that's been, that's been pretty, um, heavy. That's been,

[00:41:13] that's been a big, um, factor. So anyways, the, what I want to do is continue doing all of that

[00:41:21] work, which is mostly remote. Um, and cause I'll be able to, it will be off grid, but I'll be able

[00:41:28] to have internet connection so we can still do our podcast and, uh, and I'll be able to do, you

[00:41:35] know, work with clients and, and arrange the projects and, and design them and do all that

[00:41:40] work. Um, and then I would want to, like, I'm, what I'm hoping is being able to arrange it so

[00:41:49] that I can come into town once a week for a couple of days, either two or three days, depending on

[00:41:54] what their needs are so that I can be on the job site and, and direct, um, my worker and then,

[00:42:01] you know, have some time with Margaret here at home. And then, because another thing is that

[00:42:06] Margaret, she's starting her own new career and she has her own dominoes that she's been setting

[00:42:14] up and is about to kind of knock over. And I can't, I'm not going to take her away from the

[00:42:22] beautiful tapestry of design that she's unfolding for herself. Um, I'm so excited for her and

[00:42:32] so it's going to be interesting. So, so she would, you know, possibly her, her new career would,

[00:42:37] would at least start out probably part-time. So she could possibly be coming down and

[00:42:42] staying in Brighton Bush halftime and we'd go back and forth and I'm hoping and, and trusting

[00:42:49] the universe that, uh, that things would, would really work out really well. If that would have

[00:42:55] this transition period where we can still have our life here and enjoy this new life out in the

[00:43:03] wilderness. Um, but we'll see, you know, that's a lot to ask. It is. There's a, there's a lot of,

[00:43:13] there's a lot of moving parts as they say, um, to consider. And yeah, I mean, how, how far is

[00:43:21] how far is Brighton Bush from, from where you live? Two hours. So it's, you know, not forever,

[00:43:28] but it's also, it's a trek. It's an hour from the closest major town and two hours from,

[00:43:36] from our place. Yeah. You don't want to be doing that every day. Nope. Definitely not. And also

[00:43:42] I don't, I want to live there. Like that's kind of the point too, is I want to be, I want to have,

[00:43:47] I'm going to spend all my free time, um, serenely, uh, soaking up the, the, the minerals and, and

[00:43:57] all that kind of stuff. Not driving. I hate driving. How, how well do you deal with,

[00:44:04] I don't know if it's liminality necessarily. Um, because it's not necessarily being in that

[00:44:10] liminal space between the two, but it's sort of being in both. It's sort of an ambiguity there.

[00:44:15] How do you deal with that? How does that land for you?

[00:44:19] I feel like at the, in the moment now, I feel pretty good about it. I've realized that there is,

[00:44:26] um, you know, it's possible this could be ideal for them too. Uh, it's possible that this could

[00:44:35] just not work for them. They might just want somebody that's there full time and no, no frills

[00:44:41] about it. Um, which is, which is pretty likely and what I actually kind of expect. And so we'll,

[00:44:50] we'll see, but everyone, everyone's going to have their own, you know, everyone's going to have

[00:44:54] their own stuff, whether it's, you know, their own places that they've got to think about what

[00:44:59] happens to those, you know, lots of people renting, you know, you wouldn't want someone

[00:45:03] to be, to be renting. People have got pets. People have got partners. Like it's, I can't

[00:45:08] imagine it's a simple thing for anyone that they want to bring on board.

[00:45:12] Yeah, I, I would think so. But also it sounds like they have, um, they've had a great response

[00:45:19] from the newsletter. And so I'm, I'm aware that there with a, with a variety of people and stuff,

[00:45:27] there could be a more optimal situation to them. But, uh, I've really also, man, I feel like,

[00:45:35] and I knew I said this in my, in my cover letter and email and stuff. I'm like,

[00:45:39] I really feel like I'm, I'm bringing a lot of the things that you could really want. Like I'm,

[00:45:46] I feel like a prime candidate for, for this scenario, not only with my, you know, 25 plus

[00:45:53] years of experience in handyman and remodeling stuff and kind of a lifetime in it. Cause my

[00:45:58] father would flip houses and I was just always, I've always been in construction zones. I've always

[00:46:04] wanted that. And then also, um, like as I've developed my own skills, I have a appreciation

[00:46:12] for really good quality work. Like that's super important to me. I don't want to just

[00:46:19] throw something together and slap it together. I want it to be great. Um, which I think that

[00:46:27] kind of ethic really shines with them. I think that's something that they,

[00:46:31] they want and appreciate. Plus I have this transition idea of trying to become some sort of

[00:46:39] shaman or yoga teacher or mindfulness, like kind of coach of some sort. Like I, I, I, I want

[00:46:48] to work on, on, on this field with, with they, the events that they host, there are teach yoga

[00:46:55] teacher trainings and, you know, mindfulness escapes and like the, the same type of stuff

[00:47:01] that I would be working on. And it's like, I would fit with the vibe that they're going for

[00:47:06] completely. So it feels like a, it feels like a match made in heaven.

[00:47:11] Wow. Gosh. Um, Oh, and then also at the same time, uh, I've got, I've got my

[00:47:18] contractors boards, uh, mediation date for one month from now. And I have my arbitration date

[00:47:24] for three to three months from now. So the lawsuit is official. It has a date and, uh, it's,

[00:47:33] you know, this could be my, my dream. I want to keep running rockstar while I'm

[00:47:39] off in Brighton Bush. Like that could be a fantasy from the other end. I could,

[00:47:44] rockstar could be gone in three months. And, and, and all I have is going down to Brighton

[00:47:51] Bush and working for a small wage, but getting health benefits and another, another, um, you

[00:47:58] know, perks, but I don't, I don't know what the universe is going to throw at me.

[00:48:04] Oh gosh. And, and, and that's it. It's, um, yeah, in my, in my more serene moments,

[00:48:11] I like to think that I can just sit back and say, well, I can't, there's no,

[00:48:15] and my dad's very good at this. Like, there's no point worrying about the stuff that you can't

[00:48:18] control. Um, and, and both me and my mother who are somewhat neurotic have sort of said,

[00:48:25] it's just not that easy. Um, but you know, it's a practice and hopefully there's a way

[00:48:31] to develop that more. Um, but man, I wish you, um, uh, well not just luck, but I, yeah, I wish

[00:48:40] you get the things that you want. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Me too. Well, I, uh, I have some things

[00:48:48] for my manifestation list for this challenge. You know, I, I deservingness of this, like, I feel,

[00:48:55] I feel worthy of it for sure. Uh, you know, I've worked super hard. I've done all the things that

[00:49:02] make me feel completely perfect for this job, deserving of it. I feel like, you know, halfway

[00:49:11] there, three quarters of the way there. I feel, I feel pretty deserving of it. Um, but I definitely

[00:49:16] feel like I could still work on that and, uh, we'll see what's been, uh, what's been going on

[00:49:23] for you this week besides the TBM group. Um, a lot of it really has been thinking about this,

[00:49:34] this new thing, um, this sort of new area that I want to step into and what that means stepping

[00:49:41] away from. Um, but also going back and forth in, in terms of getting caught up in the minutia of

[00:49:52] how to make the little details work. Um, and then going, you, you, you have to not do that.

[00:50:01] You've got to stop doing that. Um, because yeah, this, this path will, will emerge, you know,

[00:50:07] like, um, so as to kind of give you an idea of where I'm trying to go, um,

[00:50:14] Um, my idea is that I want to share the music and the, the stuff that I make as a way of

[00:50:26] signposting or modeling, I guess, that you can do this stuff and it can have meaning and

[00:50:35] you can touch one or two people's emotions with what you do, but it doesn't have to be

[00:50:42] the thing that brings you income. You can just create the thing out of love, um, and just be

[00:50:48] happy that, you know, that engages with some people. Um, and, and so that's what I'm trying

[00:50:53] to, the, the idea anyways, I want to show my working. So I, I'm, um, I'm working on a Christmas

[00:51:01] song. Um, and I thought it would be, it would be fun to, to do that. And so I'm going to do the

[00:51:08] idea is I'm going to, I'd like the idea of making a new song a month and documenting that, that

[00:51:15] process and sharing it online, showing this is what this sort of, you know, this life looks like,

[00:51:23] um, and showing as well, you know, how I evolve, um, and how I learn new stuff about the actual

[00:51:32] as well. Um, and it's then the, the, the bit in the, in the, in the middle of which I'm still

[00:51:38] sort of wrestling with, because that there's something about that, that feels good, that kind

[00:51:43] of feels so wholesome. And, you know, there's, there's ways from a very strategic point of view

[00:51:49] to turn these little pieces into bigger pieces. Um, and by the end of it, you've sort of built a

[00:51:54] music video, you know, that, that can go along with the song. And then, yes, this, you know,

[00:52:00] someone wants to buy the song for a dollar or whatever, that's fine, but that's not really

[00:52:04] the point. Um, and that's, and that's all great because it means I can do the thing and it means

[00:52:09] I can, I can just make what I want to make, but I don't have the pressure because it still has

[00:52:13] a purpose. I don't have the pressure of, of it, you know, having to make a lot of money. Um,

[00:52:19] and then the, uh, and so, so the, the sort of the, the, the disconnect that I'm working with is

[00:52:26] I want to sell because I don't expect to sell that stuff. I'm realistic about that.

[00:52:32] So what I want to sell is the stuff that helps other people with their creative work.

[00:52:37] Um, and so like, I'm a big checklist person and so like checklists and, um, like, um, frameworks

[00:52:47] and things like that to help people plan their projects and think about what they, what they

[00:52:51] want to do. Potentially selling my time on one-to-one calls because when I've done it before,

[00:52:57] like I was saying earlier, like I've found that that's something that I can do is, is help just

[00:53:02] sometimes it's just being with people, um, while they're on that process and helping them when

[00:53:08] they're feeling like they're, they're falling off. It's like, let's give you that, that stabilizing

[00:53:13] hand or let's ask you those questions about your self-worth or about what you think you can ask for

[00:53:17] because, you know, we can struggle with it ourselves. Uh, and we do, but that doesn't

[00:53:24] preclude us from doing it for other people because it's just, it's really hard to do it for yourself,

[00:53:28] but someone else can ask, you know, the, these, these questions. And so, um, so there's sort of

[00:53:33] that aspect and then another piece of it that kind of excites me or just makes me think it

[00:53:38] would be really lovely is doing a sort of, cause you know, and you've listened to all the different

[00:53:44] permutations, I really enjoy the sort of the sit down at the mic, here's what's going on.

[00:53:51] Here's some thoughts. And I love the idea of doing that as a sort of members only thing about

[00:53:59] what is going on backstage, basically. Um, so what is how, you know, the business of Mark

[00:54:06] Stedman effectively, what's going into that, how is it working so that those that really want to

[00:54:13] dig into it can do that. And, you know, some people just want to support what I'm doing.

[00:54:16] They can dig into it. Um, and so that's sort of what that's kind of where all the pieces that

[00:54:22] I've got kind of laid out and some of them fit together really well and some of them don't quite

[00:54:26] yet. And so my, my days and my evenings have been sort of going back and forth about how that works

[00:54:34] and is it insane? Uh, is it not irresponsible, but there's a lot of, um, okay. So something that

[00:54:44] came up, uh, for me last year is I started, I kind of started this process last year. I, I, I,

[00:54:52] I really had this moment of like, I want to work with creative people who feel that they have some

[00:54:57] kind of neurodivergence and do the kind of things that I was describing in terms of

[00:55:03] coaching. And I don't really like the word coaching, but mentoring and, and, and that kind

[00:55:07] of stuff and did, did some of it. And then my dad got really ill. Um, and I remember him,

[00:55:16] I remember sitting with him in the hospital. Uh, he's much better now. Um, but I remember

[00:55:21] sitting with him in the hospital and him sort of asking what I'd done this week.

[00:55:26] And I felt so small and so childish talking about this thing because it felt so

[00:55:38] inconsequential and so frivolous. It suddenly just felt like in the face of everything,

[00:55:46] what are you doing? Like you've, you should be focusing on making sure that you can

[00:55:51] get the work in so that you can spend time making sure that not only is your dad okay,

[00:55:57] because there's limited things you can do for your dad, but you can certainly help your mum

[00:56:00] look after herself and make sure that she's, you know, um, feeding herself, you know, cause,

[00:56:06] cause she won't, cause she'll be worried so much about my dad. She won't think about herself.

[00:56:10] Uh, and, and, and, you know, running around and doing what needs to be doing and picking up slack.

[00:56:15] And my brother was also doing huge amounts as well, but you know, that's, that's sort of what

[00:56:18] was in the, in my mind. It was like this, it wasn't even like, this doesn't feel like the

[00:56:24] right time. It's just like, it felt so yeah. Like what are you doing? Um, and so I really

[00:56:31] had that sense of, I've got a, and I ended up, I had to fire my coach over it cause I had a coach

[00:56:37] and I felt like she just wasn't like, she was so enthusiastic about this, which was great.

[00:56:42] But when I sort of got to the point of, I think I need to just knuckle down and double down on

[00:56:49] what I feel like I know I can do to bring money in and just have some stability.

[00:56:56] Um, like I, we, we came to an impasse on that because like she knew what I wanted in the long

[00:57:04] term, but I'm like, right now it doesn't matter. Like I need to get this, you know, sorted. Um,

[00:57:10] and so a lot of it I'm revisiting, like even, even the brand, like even the little icon that I did,

[00:57:16] you know, I liked my little face with no eyes and a heartbeard. Um, all of that stuff was done

[00:57:21] last year. There's stuff that I'd written last year. Um, and so that that's coming back. Um,

[00:57:27] and so yeah, a lot of it is sort of returning now, but I guess, you know, I feel a little bit

[00:57:33] more stable and ready to start thinking about that. So yeah, that's awesome. That's what's

[00:57:42] been coming up for me this week. Yeah. Yeah. I hear, um, from your story, I hear a bit of

[00:57:49] kind of similar to me, a desire to help your community, a desire to help, to, to,

[00:57:54] to be more connected and, and to not just have your own hustles and your own projects and,

[00:58:01] and things going on, but to be doing things that are a little bit more connected with other people

[00:58:07] and people that are close to you. And I, I, um, I resonate and respect that. Yeah.

[00:58:13] And turning lights on for the people. Um, I, you know, I really love that, that, that ability

[00:58:20] to make a light appear in someone's head to go. I didn't know that, that I got to, you know,

[00:58:26] that I get to do this. I didn't know that I could or, or whatever. Um, or, you know,

[00:58:32] removing a blocker for someone like, Oh, that kind of stuff is so good. It's so good. Like it

[00:58:38] feels so good. And when you realize you can do it, um, you know, in, in, you know, the naive

[00:58:44] kind of ways that I do, I'm, I'm no, you know, this is one of the reasons I don't call myself

[00:58:48] a coach and I don't feel qualified, but I'm absolutely qualified to ask questions. And a

[00:58:53] lot of that is just like, do we think that's true? Like, that's the question that I ask a lot. It's

[00:58:58] like, you know, when someone says I can't do this or, or, you know, it's like, is that,

[00:59:02] is that true though? Um, that's kind of a lot of what it is. Um, and that's just, you know,

[00:59:08] when, when you actually hit those moments where you think, you know, a session hasn't gone that

[00:59:12] well and then, and then you, you, you come up the next week and someone says, I've been thinking

[00:59:16] about, you know, this thing that you said, or this thing that we talked about, or like helping

[00:59:21] someone get off their ass and, and ship, you know, they want to, but there's, there's that thing in

[00:59:26] their way, like whatever it is, like, yeah, it's, it feels great. Um, and so that's, that's

[00:59:32] absolutely part of it, but I also, yeah, there's, there's, there's also the, the other aspect of me,

[00:59:37] because I live in this duality of quite fluffy and, and, and, uh, as I've discovered over the

[00:59:42] last few years, just, you know, very squishy and into that whole stuff, but also in other ways,

[00:59:48] really structured and really pragmatic, um, and, and, you know, efficient, uh, and that kind of

[00:59:54] stuff is like, that's also really important for me. So it's like having this skeleton, this

[00:59:59] scaffolding, this rigid scaffolding that then you can just have a big bowl of candy floss on the top

[01:00:06] of that you can dive into, but knowing that there is this structure in place as well, like it's a,

[01:00:12] it's, and I, I, I'm going back and forth and finding that difficult to, uh, categorize or to,

[01:00:21] to, to make, to help make sense for the people that, that sort of duality. Um, so yeah, it's,

[01:00:28] it's all going to be a fun and weird challenge. Yeah. Another thing I'm hearing, especially from

[01:00:34] what you just said, but kind of a combination of all this stuff, uh, I'm reminded of the Enneagram.

[01:00:41] We're both nines and we, we, that we like to help people. We like to mediate. We like to, um,

[01:00:48] uh, we can see all sides, but the thing about the nine is that, uh, it goes to six in stress and it

[01:00:56] goes to three in security. And so when we're stressed out, uh, we go to six with which we,

[01:01:03] um, we kind of get a little bit more, um, uh, a little more anxiety and, um, we want to

[01:01:17] we want to check with a committee, both an internal committee of different voices in our

[01:01:22] head to make sure something's all right. And an external committee of different people,

[01:01:26] checking our ideas and checking our, our path and everything going forward and making sure

[01:01:32] everything's fine. And we want to get that feedback from, uh, from multiple people.

[01:01:35] I nearly paid $1,500 for a 90 minute session on that this morning.

[01:01:38] Oh, wow. Yeah. Just, just, just, just by way of illustrating that.

[01:01:43] Okay. Yeah. And then in, in security, um, and this for me, and I think for you as well,

[01:01:51] we're most secure in our jobs and our profession, because it's like what we're

[01:01:55] putting a lot of time and effort into. So we feel very secure when we're working in,

[01:02:00] in security, we go to three and three is, uh, is the achiever. It's, it's, uh, it's, it's, um,

[01:02:09] you, you, I, I, I don't, I don't have the great words for, for three, but it, it,

[01:02:17] you have this sense of, I know what I'm doing. I can do it. This is, this is going to be great.

[01:02:22] Um, you can cut corners a little bit, but only in the, in the, in the sense of efficiency,

[01:02:30] it's like not cutting corners in a bad way, but cutting corners, like this really doesn't need

[01:02:34] to be done. Let's just get rid of it. Like when said, well, a one will go for a perfectionist

[01:02:39] will have to do every single step, very rigidly. Uh, three will be like, we don't actually need

[01:02:46] to do all these steps and let's just be efficient. And it's much more about efficiency. And that,

[01:02:51] that kind of came out with, with some of the stuff you were saying that made sense to me.

[01:02:57] And that's, that's work that I want to do more of. Um, uh, you know, I, I did buy, uh, a pretty

[01:03:05] comprehensive guide to the Enneagram. Um, and I think it's funny enough, it was in audio book form.

[01:03:12] And I think the last time God, I think this is true. The last time I hit play on that audio book

[01:03:20] was when I was on the train, um, to meet my dad in, in hospital. Um, and I don't think I've,

[01:03:29] you know, listened to it since, because again, it just, yeah. Um, whereas if I'm, you know,

[01:03:37] if I'm to do this work, uh, part of that is, is having a good understanding of, of, I think,

[01:03:43] you know, what people's needs are and where they intersect. Um, and so, you know, getting,

[01:03:48] getting more of a, a good sense of that, you know, and I, I love the fact that, uh, we were

[01:03:53] sharing in our little pod, um, all of these different book, um, recommendations. And I think

[01:04:00] I've got, I've put them down in a, in a list somewhere and I'm going to put them into notion

[01:04:03] and make sure I've got all the links there so that I can start working through those.

[01:04:07] Cause a lot of that stuff I'm really interested in, in how we help the person around the creative,

[01:04:12] um, you know, cause there are bits and pieces that we can take from whether it is self-compassion

[01:04:18] or, uh, the body keeps the score or, you know, there's all these little things that we can

[01:04:22] absolutely take in or I can certainly take in my work and, and you as, as a, as a burgeoning yogi

[01:04:28] can take into your work to as, as little reference points to help people when they come across

[01:04:37] certain challenges to go, I've got a, I've got a map for that. You know, I, I know where we go

[01:04:41] from, you know, for this, have a read of this, or let's look at this and see how it applies to you.

[01:04:46] And the more that we have of those and keep them in a little roller decks in our mind,

[01:04:50] I think the more we can be useful to people. And I really liked that in a sense, we're both

[01:04:57] entering into a similar kind of thing, but you're very much of the body. Mine's kind of the,

[01:05:03] of the mind and the heart, but they absolutely intersect. Um, and, and yeah, I think it's,

[01:05:10] I think it's rather cool. Um, well, yes, um, go well, uh, go gently.

[01:05:17] Um, and, uh, I look forward to hearing what happens next week.

[01:05:40] I love how we, uh, we started this podcast to talk about our projects that we were working on.

[01:05:50] And it's expanded to so much more than that. I think at the same time, it's still,

[01:05:55] it's still the same thing. Yeah, exactly. It's convergence. It's emergence. It's,

[01:06:00] um, you know, it's, it's all, it's all good stuff.