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Manifestation as a science Episode 3

Manifestation as a science

It turns out that manifestation and self-improvement might just be able to help us overcome self-doubt, expand our possibilities, and achieve a sense of trust and confidence in ourselves and our goals. The challenge is raising our self-worth and breaking through the glass ceilings and limiting beliefs that hold us back from realising our dreams. We also need to make sense of our past experiences and attachments to understand how they shape our beliefs and behaviours. LinksTo Be MagneticPOV – Mark’s songThe Expanded podcast

· 01:06:05


[00:00:00] On episode three of Convergence, drinking the manifestation Kool-Aid,

[00:00:04] finding out what our dream lives are, and dealing with ambiguity.

[00:00:16] At the beginning of last episode, when you asked me, so tell me about manifesting,

[00:00:19] I was like, oh no, oh no, he asked for it. I sure did. Yeah, I think it's interesting how

[00:00:28] so much of this particular method that we linked to in the previous episode,

[00:00:36] forgive me, clumsily named to be magnetic, I'm sure there's a very good, well, I'm sure there's

[00:00:42] a reason for it, it's not a good reason, it's a bad name, but there is a lot in there that is

[00:00:49] interesting that you look at and just go, this is, and this is not at all a slant or a slam on the

[00:00:57] program, but you look at it and go, yeah, that's like fundamental sort of psychological stuff,

[00:01:04] and there's this idea of unblocking an expansion, and an expansion is in order to see that something,

[00:01:13] and this is just from my, I'm sure you can come with the correct explanation,

[00:01:18] but just from my sort of interpretation, you need people around you who you can learn from,

[00:01:24] or you can gain inspiration from, to see that the thing that you want is possible,

[00:01:28] like that just seems, and not just possible for anyone, but possible for you, and someone like

[00:01:33] you, and yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, and you know, the unblocking is what I've yet to do,

[00:01:38] and I've got some workshops to, and some meditations to listen to, so I'll enjoy doing

[00:01:46] that, but it is, so much of it is, as the, as Lacey, who runs the thing says, you know, it is

[00:01:53] rooted in psychology, and I think there's a whole other positioning of this, that is exactly the

[00:02:00] same thing, but doesn't work, use words like universe, doesn't necessarily use words like

[00:02:06] manifesting, but is equally effective, and again, like that's, I think that's fine, and that's,

[00:02:13] it's just interesting, but you know, this is positioned to people that have tried manifestation

[00:02:19] before, and it hasn't worked for them, yeah, and this is about saying, you know, because it's even

[00:02:23] down to things like, and I think this is really important for anyone listening, who is wondering,

[00:02:27] you know, why, why is Stedman suddenly drinking some sort of Kool-Aid? One of the really

[00:02:33] interesting things that sort of, they don't necessarily mention in the literature,

[00:02:36] is you can't just, like, this isn't, this is not magic, you can't manifest your dead goldfish back

[00:02:44] to life, you manifest things that are actually achievable, but you hadn't thought that they

[00:02:52] are achievable, and that's the, that's kind of the key thing, I think, it's, to me anyway, and I will

[00:02:57] actually stop and let you talk, to me anyway, a lot of this feels just like awakening, and opening

[00:03:04] your eyes, and opening your ears, and funnily enough, it seems congruent with the song that I

[00:03:12] wrote a few, a couple of months ago, you need to listen. No, yeah, I actually, I made that

[00:03:19] connection too, like, this is about manifesting, this is amazing. And so that's kind of what it,

[00:03:25] what it's about, but yeah, that's, that's kind of, that's kind of my take, and I'm digging it so far.

[00:03:31] Awesome, awesome, I'm, I'm so glad you, you drank the flavorade with us, and yeah, you made that

[00:03:36] comment about the cult, and I, when, when, when you did that, I had, like, a bunch of trains of

[00:03:42] thought going through my head, I went with the literal in the chat room, but I was, one thought

[00:03:47] was, like, oh, if you think this is a cult, don't get me started on above and beyond, oh my gosh,

[00:03:53] Cameron's getting a tattoo, or I was thinking, like, oh, one of us, one of us, one of us.

[00:04:01] Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

[00:04:03] And, and I had a couple other, like, funny chains of thought going in, like, but yeah, like,

[00:04:10] you know, Lacey, there's definitely a kind of a cult of personality around her, and around,

[00:04:16] you know, she has a big following and stuff, and I don't know, I don't follow it, I don't,

[00:04:19] I'm not on Instagram or anything like that, so I don't see it.

[00:04:26] I just like the tools, and, and, yeah, like you said, like, these aren't unique to, well,

[00:04:34] you know, TBM has, like, kind of a, a unique package of them all put together.

[00:04:39] Yes, that's exactly the word, that's exactly the word, yeah.

[00:04:42] And especially with some of the things like the, the DIs with the, you know, the binaural beats,

[00:04:50] and the way that there's, like, specific frequencies used for specific types of either

[00:05:02] opening and blocking and expansion and other aspects like that, like, and, you know, they

[00:05:08] keep throwing around words like, this is neuroscience, and it's scientifically backed,

[00:05:15] and this and that, I'm like, no, sold, you got me, and that sounds great.

[00:05:19] Yeah, I mean, the, the, the expanded podcast talks about sort of dispelling the woo-woo,

[00:05:25] and, you know, which is, which is, yeah, kind of speaking, speaking my language, and yeah,

[00:05:29] even the, the, the DIs that Brendan's referring to, these deeper imaginings, which are

[00:05:33] essentially meditations, well, they're not, they are, they're pieces of hypnosis,

[00:05:37] and my friend, Anna, who I've, you know, will be screaming at her audio playing device,

[00:05:45] should she listen to this, going, I've been talking about this for literal years,

[00:05:50] about how everything is hypnosis, we hypnotise ourselves all the time, we enter hypnagogic

[00:05:55] states, or hypnagogic, you know, and, and, you know, Lacey's talked about that in,

[00:06:00] oh God, I already sound like, oh, there's the sound of the Kool-Aid, Lacey talks about,

[00:06:06] Lacey teaches that, you know, we do that when we're in, when we're watching TV,

[00:06:11] when we're sat and watching TV, or watching a film, you know, and I think I've done that

[00:06:15] when I'm listening to music, we get into a, a state, and yeah, absolutely, and this is

[00:06:21] stuff to help you do that, so that this stuff can slip right into your subconscious, and

[00:06:27] yeah, I'm, I'm interested to keep, keep going with that, and seeing what little changes I

[00:06:33] notice, because, yeah, I love all that kind of brain hackery, and our, the whole thing of

[00:06:39] our thoughts create our actions, our actions create our habits, our habits create our destiny,

[00:06:43] like, I'm, you know, big, big fan of that. Me too. I'm excited, I'm excited for you,

[00:06:49] like, if you were to have some of the same benefits that, that I've had from doing this

[00:06:54] program, which a lot of them have been self-confidence, huge, and it's, self-confidence

[00:07:04] is, like, that's great, but that's also, like, such a minor way of saying it, it's more like,

[00:07:12] like, just trust, just, like, things are gonna happen in the right way, and what I've noticed

[00:07:21] for me is, like, I'm, I'm no longer, one of their words, the phrases they use is dog paddling,

[00:07:27] I'm not frantically trying to get the things that I want in order, yeah, you know, like,

[00:07:35] running around, wasting energy on a bunch of stuff, I'm just, like,

[00:07:39] relaxed, okay, it's gonna come in, great, I just gotta do the next step, what's the next thing I

[00:07:45] need to do, and I'm just, you know, what I want is going to happen, and that, that relief is just

[00:07:58] indescribably fantastic. Well, I, yeah, I look forward to achieving it, I think I'm definitely

[00:08:05] in that stage of, right now, with the, sort of, designing, in a sense, or pre-designing the,

[00:08:14] sort of, next stage of what I want, because I think I'm, I think I've decided that,

[00:08:21] there is a lot of, so, one of the, the, the things that I think is, is interesting in, again, in, in

[00:08:26] the, in the approach here is, you've got the, typically, the things that you want to, as, as

[00:08:34] they would say, call in, are things that are above your station, in terms of how, about what your

[00:08:42] self-worth is, and so they're on one platform, and you're on a lower platform, and the idea is that

[00:08:48] you've got to raise that platform so that the two meet, and that is, again, it's like, you hear this

[00:08:54] stuff, and you go, yeah, that makes total sense, like, that, that makes sense, you, you have to be

[00:08:59] able to see that this stuff is possible, because, and I've done this all the time, and, and one of

[00:09:02] the things that came up in the, the meditation yesterday was a, a memory, and it's, it wasn't

[00:09:09] a trapped memory, it wasn't, you know, a big unlocking, but it was one of those that I just think

[00:09:12] about, where, and I won't call the person out, because I love them so much, and they're, like, my best

[00:09:17] friend, and I wouldn't want them to, to feel that there's any ill will here, because there isn't, but

[00:09:22] many, many, many years ago, I said I wanted to do something on the internet for the first time,

[00:09:28] like, I went, I, I thought, you know, this was, like, 2000, or 2001, and I thought, I'm going to create a

[00:09:36] website, and I told this person, I'm going to create a website where I review, where I watch

[00:09:40] films, and I review them, like, what a novel idea for 2000, and this person was, like, why, who'd read them?

[00:09:49] And I think that there's an element there that I think has stuck in that,

[00:09:57] I can get so far, but then I, I very much get that, and, you know, we can use all the typical labels

[00:10:02] that we talk about, imposter syndrome, and all that kind of stuff, but there is, again, to use, I

[00:10:08] guess, more of the borrowed terminology, a glass ceiling, and you and I have probably spoken about

[00:10:15] this, and I've spoken to other people about this sense of not just necessarily a glass ceiling, but

[00:10:19] a whole glass box, where it feels like you can only get so far in what you're doing, and then it just

[00:10:25] feels like you meet this resistance, and it's like, I've been doing stuff for the last few years that

[00:10:30] should work in massive, you know, massive quote marks, like, this should work, like, I did the research, I

[00:10:35] did the thinking, I've put loads of effort into it, you know, I've been doggy paddling, oh yeah, this should

[00:10:41] work, and now it's time to look at what happens when we don't necessarily do the things that we

[00:10:48] think should work, but perhaps the things that bring us joy, or get us closer to what we want, and

[00:10:54] yeah, and you're going to be able to do it without the internal voice inside you

[00:11:00] telling you, why do it, like, who's gonna, yeah, and those little comments, they're so

[00:11:07] innocent and understandable, but at the same time, they nest their way in there in your

[00:11:15] psyche, and stay there until you do the work to really work it out, and process that.

[00:11:23] And there's a lot of attachment theory stuff in here as well, that, you know, a lot of the

[00:11:29] thing that comes up is what is imprinted on you from the ages of zero to seven, which is very much

[00:11:35] what attachment theory talks about, and the, you know, the different attachment styles that we

[00:11:41] develop are based on what we got from our primary caregivers at the time, and yeah, you know, if

[00:11:48] there were moments of where we were looking for safety, or looking for trust, or looking,

[00:11:54] or we were trusting and looking for safety, and we didn't get it, then that becomes just a little,

[00:12:00] you know, ping, something just lights up in your brain, or dims, and that's just it. Now, that

[00:12:05] circuit burns out until you get the opportunity to rework those neural pathways, I guess.

[00:12:12] Yeah, repetition of the correct, not correct, but more positive way of thinking,

[00:12:20] and more aligned with yourself. Well, speaking of aligned, you've got your, you've got your

[00:12:26] aligned, I always forget, I forget the term, the four words. Yes, my authentic code. Authentic

[00:12:33] code, yeah. An authentic code can, it can change over time, so this is just your authentic code

[00:12:40] for the moment, and, and it can only be, because you mentioned, like, one of them was something

[00:12:45] that you were kind of surprised by, that it was your inner child's, possibly, code, and I was

[00:12:52] thinking, movement, that can kind of make sense, like, earlier on in this process, too, because

[00:12:57] you've got inner child work to do, and maybe that inner child needs movement right now, and maybe

[00:13:03] you don't, or maybe a different word would be better for you later on, after you've gone through

[00:13:09] some. It's funny, like, I never enjoyed exercise as a kid, never enjoyed running, I used to hate the

[00:13:15] cross-country run that we used to have to do at school, absolutely hate it with a passion, but

[00:13:21] there are certain games that involved running that I was quite happy to do, you know, make it

[00:13:27] a game, make it a game that I enjoy, don't, don't make it a ball game, and, and I'm, and I'm there,

[00:13:33] and I used to love cycling, I used to love my bike, and, and the freedom that that gave me, and going,

[00:13:39] you know, and I miss that, and in, in some ways, it's like, my life has sort of been made a bit

[00:13:47] smaller as I've got older, because there are certain things you're not supposed to do with a

[00:13:51] bike when you're older, everybody does it, by the way, everybody rides on the pavement, but you're

[00:13:56] not supposed to ride on the pavement. I got told off once by an old, by an old bloke for doing so,

[00:14:02] but everybody does it. Um, are you supposed to ride on the sidewalk? You're supposed to ride on, you know,

[00:14:07] you're not, uh, not in the UK, anyway. Yeah, where are you supposed to ride? On the road with the traffic.

[00:14:13] Oh, okay, that's, okay, I, I would call that pavement here. What? You're not supposed to ride on the

[00:14:19] sidewalk, is, is what you're saying. Yeah, you're not supposed to ride on the sidewalk, you're supposed

[00:14:22] to ride on the road, yeah, where the traffic, does the traffic. Yeah, everybody does that here, too.

[00:14:27] Yeah, but, but, you know, and, and again, like, the, I don't know, it gets into whole lots of,

[00:14:33] lots of other things, like, I bought a bike, uh, it took ages, and, and, you know, my, my work,

[00:14:38] my old employer helped pay for it, and I got it stashed away, and I tried cycling to work for a

[00:14:44] couple of days, um, and, and I, I needed to do it myself in order to then discover, actually, this

[00:14:51] is a little bit precarious, because, uh, I could tip into the canal quite easily, or,

[00:14:56] you know, you can get someone knocked over, or, uh, what I nearly did was, um,

[00:15:02] ride over someone's, uh, what they call them, the, the, the rope that is tied to the boat to

[00:15:11] moor it, you know, um, and nearly sort of went straight, straight through that, like, there's

[00:15:18] all sorts of challenges that, yeah, you know, but I had to do it myself, right, um, I couldn't be

[00:15:24] told by someone else, like, and that's, you know, that, that, that's a, that's a whole other,

[00:15:28] that's a whole other kettle of, uh, kettle of worms, but, um, yeah, movement, turns out.

[00:15:36] So, um, the, the stuff begins in earnest, uh, next week, and I'm conscious that I don't

[00:15:45] necessarily want every episode of Convergence. Oh, yeah, no, I mean, this is not a TVM podcast.

[00:15:50] But, but, um, I'm interested to, yeah, to, to, so we're about to enter into, uh, I guess,

[00:15:59] a, a month long, actually, it's longer than that, isn't it? It's a, a, a challenge, um,

[00:16:04] to, to manifest, and so I think there's a couple of us who have not done this work before,

[00:16:09] that are trying to race in to catch up before we start on Monday, so,

[00:16:13] yeah, tell us what have we, what, what can we expect? Oh, so, yeah, I've done, um, I've done

[00:16:20] two and a half, well, actually, you know, if I'm going to be completely honest, I have not finished

[00:16:27] a challenge yet. Um, I have been doing TBM work for about a year and a half, maybe two years. Um,

[00:16:35] they started doing the, I started noticing that they did the challenges maybe, um, a year or so

[00:16:41] ago. Uh, so, uh, last year in their end of the year, summer, or under the year challenge, um,

[00:16:49] I got most of the way through it. Maybe I completed it. I don't really know. I can't

[00:16:53] really remember, but what I will say is that I, I got a huge benefit out of it, even with as much

[00:17:00] as I did. Um, it starts off, uh, well, you know, each, each one is actually kind of different.

[00:17:08] The summer challenge was pretty different. Um, and, and that also at the same time, it's all

[00:17:12] kind of the same. They take you through, uh, a week at a time, uh, uh, opening up different,

[00:17:18] um, sections that will have journal entry prompts and new DIs, new, new meditations that are

[00:17:26] specific for whatever the, the challenge is supposed to be in this challenge this year,

[00:17:31] at the end of the year is for creating your dream life. And, uh, and that's really, for me,

[00:17:37] that's really interesting. Cause I'm kind of like, what, what do I want more than my life right now?

[00:17:43] Like, I'm so happy. I'm, I, you know, like we talked about in the first episode, I feel like

[00:17:47] the serene Buddha and I'm like, well, what's, what's next? Like, I don't, I don't even know

[00:17:57] what I want. And so I'm excited because the first week should have us going through things that,

[00:18:04] that bring that out of us, that bring those questions out and try, um, to get us to

[00:18:09] investigate ourselves on what do I actually want? Um, I have thought of one thing that's,

[00:18:16] that's pretty major and that's a bit more of a financial security and stability, you know,

[00:18:20] but a bit like, um, you know, a new, a new remodeling project will come in and that will

[00:18:26] get me flush. And then I'm, you know, working through that until the next one. And I just kind

[00:18:30] of up and down and phases. And I don't, I don't have, I don't have a savings. I don't have a

[00:18:36] retirement fund. I don't have security for the longterm and stuff. And so, um, you know,

[00:18:42] with us planning for having kids and, and other stuff like that's gotta, that's gotta be a huge

[00:18:47] priority for me. Um, not just for myself, but the whole family. And then, and then as the weeks go

[00:18:54] on, um, there'll be a bit more, like, it'll kind of go deeper. Sometimes there'll be stuff that's

[00:19:01] like really unblocking and you'll have to do some deep processing and kind of like expose some

[00:19:07] inner truths about yourself and come to realizations and accept things about yourself that maybe,

[00:19:13] that are in your shadow, that are things that you, um, much like, much like the comment your

[00:19:20] friend made, um, things that you took to heart that really affect you that maybe you didn't

[00:19:26] realize really affect you or, um, definitely, definitely things that your parents may have done

[00:19:32] with the best intentions or not, you know, that just happen. And it doesn't matter the intention

[00:19:38] behind it. What matters is that it happened to you and it's affecting you. And now you can,

[00:19:46] you can process that and change it or not change it, but accept it and not let it negatively

[00:19:52] affect you as you keep going forward. And so that's, that's a big part of it as it goes through.

[00:19:57] And I don't know, I'm kind of, um, unsure about a lot of what's coming up, even though I've gone

[00:20:04] through the challenges before. Um, I don't, I don't exactly know what to expect, but your,

[00:20:11] your acting is guide, uh, to a few of us now. Yeah, that's true. So, uh, that's, uh, you know,

[00:20:17] you, you can be our blindly blind blind. Yeah. Um, but you know, as, as with so much of this,

[00:20:25] um, you only have to be a couple of, a couple of steps ahead, a couple of steps ahead. Yes. Agreed.

[00:20:30] It makes, makes all the difference. So I haven't really,

[00:20:36] and I, I'm, I'm, I'm hesitant as to what I reveal here. Cause I think we talked about this in

[00:20:44] episode one about, um, if you say it too early, too early, you, you, yeah. Um, but it's such a

[00:20:53] monumental and long-term I think shift. Um, so one of the questions that came up, um,

[00:21:01] very early in the process, uh, I think it was Monday or Tuesday was essentially, as I'm sort

[00:21:07] of working through some of this sat on the sofa going, what, what do I want? What do I actually

[00:21:13] want? What can I not? What do I feel like I can ask for? Yes. Oh, that's, that's a really great

[00:21:20] framing of it because the, the, the first part is so that's so limiting and, uh, you just gotta

[00:21:27] go for it. You just gotta, what do I actually, what would be ideal? What throw the biggest,

[00:21:33] best scenario? What is that? I want to, so the, the very simplest way of saying this

[00:21:40] is I want to be paid for being me. The, how that, what that actually means is

[00:21:49] I want to provide parts of myself as, as a service. Um, but as a, um, in digital form,

[00:21:59] um, in presence as well. Um, that is the, the stuff that I have only discovered in the last

[00:22:06] couple of years, couple of years, it turns out I can do, which has helped people feel safe when

[00:22:11] it comes to creating work that they want to create or not knowing whether they can create,

[00:22:16] not knowing whether they should, whether they are allowed a voice and that kind of stuff.

[00:22:21] But there's also, okay, you know, you're, you're actually creating what do we do when you get a

[00:22:26] few iterations in and you start feeling like no one cares or no one's listening or it's lonely,

[00:22:32] like, you know, all this kind of stuff. Um, and I, I, I sort of, I wrote a thing earlier

[00:22:38] in this week, I've written two things this week. Um, but I wrote a thing earlier in the week,

[00:22:42] which I think kind of encapsulates what, what that is to a degree. Um, and so, yeah, I've got

[00:22:48] a sort of a few ideas of how it actually breaks down, but with that, there still comes a lot of,

[00:22:55] like, not just imposter syndrome, but, and it's not really imposter syndrome at all.

[00:23:01] It's more just, I, I have, I do not know if I am, uh, good enough, which is not the same as

[00:23:09] imposter syndrome, because I don't think I'm, I'm not blowing in here as an imposter. I'm simply,

[00:23:16] I don't know, maybe it is, but yeah. So there's, there's a whole question there about my self

[00:23:22] belief and my, my idea of my self worth and, you know, who wants to engage with that and do I

[00:23:28] actually have the skills and all those kinds of things. And it's, it's, yeah, it's like,

[00:23:33] I feel like I do, but I don't know. And you'll find out. Yeah. I'm excited for you, man.

[00:23:39] I'm excited for me too. And our little group that we have going.

[00:23:43] Yes, we've, yeah, we've got a, we've got a lovely little, uh, a lovely little pod.

[00:23:48] So do you use a Descript to edit this podcast as a big, huge shift?

[00:23:53] I love it. Um, no, I do not. I, I am not. Uh, I am back to using logic to edit this.

[00:24:03] Okay. Just for this show or for everything?

[00:24:06] No, just for this show, because, um, it enables me to not cause what, you know,

[00:24:12] one of the requirements of this, uh, of doing this is that it was easy. Yes. Um, you and I know that

[00:24:20] there's stuff that we can talk about here and not just ramble. We know that there's,

[00:24:24] there's areas that we can, you know, hopefully be, uh, uh, at that point, my brain, my brain

[00:24:32] actually leaves me at the point at which I needed the word, uh, but we can make sense.

[00:24:38] Usually. Um, and so it needed to be easy. And so one of the ways that it's easy is for me to

[00:24:46] do a sort of fairly light edit. If I get into Descript, I get into editing the actual, like

[00:24:52] every word because I can't not. Um, and that led me to last week, I think discovering that

[00:25:03] an aspect of editing in Descript. Um, this is not a formal, uh, declaration,

[00:25:14] so please don't sue me Descript and I won't sue you. Um, but I think I'm getting migraines

[00:25:22] from Descript. Oh no. What is going on? I think, um, going too quickly through the edit

[00:25:30] and watching the screen as the words blip by looking for corrections to be made.

[00:25:39] Um, I think doing that for a prolonged period is no bueno. Um, yeah, so I, I think I, I had a big

[00:25:49] day of it last Monday and edited four episodes on the trot, um, and finish the day and was a

[00:25:58] little bit tired and then had a stonking headache for two and a half days. Um, and I've got them

[00:26:05] before and it's only, you know, last week where I just thought I'd look up and go,

[00:26:11] is this actually a migraine? And it ticks pretty much the appropriate boxes for being a migraine

[00:26:17] in as much as yet it lasts for, can last for 72 hours. If you take the right kind of medication,

[00:26:22] um, you can, you know, lessen the headache, uh, but it can lead to a bit nausea. Um,

[00:26:28] there's other stuff as well. You know, a bit of fatigue I think was in there.

[00:26:32] Um, and you know, you've just got to rest and you know, it's, sometimes it's, it's taken me out for

[00:26:39] a, for a day or so. And if I can start to see that pattern and, you know, all sorts of things can,

[00:26:46] can bring a migraine stress and, and, and other things. Um, if you start to see that pattern,

[00:26:51] then you got to do something about it. Well, from what I know about migraines, they are, um,

[00:26:59] uh, light has a big factor in it and it's the, the way it comes into, uh,

[00:27:06] comes into your sensory inputs. Um, I, I do a couple of things, uh,

[00:27:14] when I edit in Descript that for me severely lower the eye strain. Uh, and I, uh, two things.

[00:27:22] One, I'd like the dark mode. I don't know if you use the dark mode or not, but that's,

[00:27:26] that's pretty great to me. Yeah. I, I don't because I, I,

[00:27:33] there's something about, I don't know, lots of white text on a black background. I haven't

[00:27:39] actually sat with it for any length of time. So I'll have to say, see, see what it does.

[00:27:42] It could be, could be, um, a lot more helpful than yeah. Big white box glaring at you.

[00:27:48] And the other one is a bit weirder. Um, I got a piece of translucent red clear acrylic and the,

[00:27:59] the size of my Mac book screen. And I just placed that right in front of the screen.

[00:28:04] And so the whole thing is red. Everything is, is red toned, uh, coming in and it's,

[00:28:10] it also dims it by about 50%. So actually I tend to brighten this up a little bit,

[00:28:14] so it can actually come through. Um, but I often edit at night and I'm a, I'm a big proponent of,

[00:28:21] um, lowering a blocking blue light before sleep. Um, in my experience and Margaret's experience,

[00:28:29] we both have found a lot of, um, help with that. We, we both have like red,

[00:28:36] blue light blocking glasses that we wear in the last couple hours of night. And, uh, I do this,

[00:28:42] this thing with my computer screen to just block all blue and green light coming in.

[00:28:47] And, um, I've noticed that since I've done that, since I've been doing that, uh,

[00:28:52] Descript or otherwise, I feel so much less fatigue, um, and I strain from using my computer.

[00:29:00] So that's an interesting piece of toolkit that could work for other people.

[00:29:06] Indeed. Um, I'm, I'm highly overdue, uh, cause as a, as a sort of an aside to this,

[00:29:12] I'm highly overdue, uh, calling up, um, someone to get, uh, some equipment. Cause so back in the day,

[00:29:22] I used to have a monitor arms. This is when I used to live with my parents that we managed to

[00:29:28] find a, uh, you know, a monitor arm. Um, and it was brilliant because I could get

[00:29:34] the monitor as close to my, uh, clapped out eyeballs as I need to, um, without it affecting

[00:29:41] my posture. Uh, and you know, now 20 years or so later, um, I'm still kind of hunched over

[00:29:53] because I haven't really been able to replicate that setup. Um, and so it's something that, uh,

[00:29:59] yeah, I've got to, I've got to get sorted because if I can, if I can put one of these big monitors,

[00:30:04] I've got a lovely, I mean, it's not one of the fancy monitors that the fancy people talk about,

[00:30:09] but it's, you know, good. Um, and if I can get that right up close to my face, uh, then that's

[00:30:15] just going to help, you know, posture and lots of other things as well and potential squintage.

[00:30:21] Um, so yeah, that's this, you know, just, just another thing to add to the list.

[00:30:25] When you, when you initially talked about Descript giving you migraines, I was thinking,

[00:30:29] um, uh, about all the bugs that they have and all the different, uh, like an annoyance migraine,

[00:30:37] not necessarily a life factor. And I was thinking that doesn't help. No, it hasn't. But the last

[00:30:46] month or so, I feel like they finally squashed all the things that are really annoying for me.

[00:30:52] And, uh, it's, it's finally like kind of easy to use, except also, I mean, this isn't a bug at

[00:30:58] all, but I have let my pro subscription lapse. Um, I didn't renew it because I only edit one podcast

[00:31:06] and, uh, they limit the studio sound to files under an hour. And, um, so I can only do, I can

[00:31:17] only use it on files under an hour and the podcast, the podcaster sends me, it's like an hour, 10,

[00:31:25] hour 15. And, and she does a pre-edit on it. And so I can't, it's, there's no easy way to like

[00:31:33] take it out, split it and put it back in because I need to go through and make sure that her edits

[00:31:37] are good. So I just don't use studio sound on the main part anymore, but, um, but otherwise it's

[00:31:44] been, uh, it's been going great for me. So what is, what else has been, uh, as, as, as, as we say

[00:31:51] in, in our, in our enlightened communities, what else has been alive for you? Oh my God, dude. Um,

[00:31:57] so right after this, uh, speaking of manifestations right after this podcast recording,

[00:32:04] uh, I'm going to have an interview. My first job interview in 15 years. Um,

[00:32:14] yeah. So there's a place called, uh, well, this, this, this is hot spring resort that I went to

[00:32:21] in 2015. Um, that, that kind of changed my life. It was, it was a magical experience. I had never,

[00:32:31] um, I didn't know a place like this existed and it just, it was incredible. And they, um,

[00:32:39] I can't remember if I, if I talked about this on a previous episode about all the details about

[00:32:45] anyways, it's, it's, it, they've got the hot springs, they've got multiple pools and, and

[00:32:50] they've got, uh, they, they've capped off one of the hot springs or one of the geysers that there

[00:32:57] was there, this geothermal activity in it, it capped it off and tapped into it to, to, um,

[00:33:06] to power, uh, or to heat, um, water that they pump through a bunch of different cabins. So you got

[00:33:13] radiant heat free in a bunch of different cabins. So even though it's kind of in the middle of

[00:33:17] nowhere and off the grid, they've got, you know, it's, it's warm and cozy and, um, they've got a

[00:33:24] big event space. They, they give, uh, they have a, a complimentary food, um, bar with really

[00:33:32] excellent quality food, uh, and saunas and, and trails and, and a bunch of other cool stuff.

[00:33:38] What everything you'd expect from an amazing, uh, uh, off grid retreat space.

[00:33:45] And I went there and I was just, and it was that this, this, you know, when you go to a place and

[00:33:50] it's just like, you can palpably feel as you walk into the space, just this serenity and connection

[00:33:59] and euphoria. And it's just like, Oh, this is the place. Like, no wonder they settled here.

[00:34:06] Wow. This place feels amazing. You go to like a national park or, or, or some special

[00:34:14] land like that. You know, you get that feeling. Um, and this place has it. And, um, anyways,

[00:34:23] I had a great time when I was there and they do a facilities tour. They show you like how they do

[00:34:30] the water filtration and how they set up the hydroelectricity and, and how the geothermal stuff

[00:34:37] works and a bunch of other stuff. And I, you know, I did the tour because I'm fascinated in building

[00:34:41] and all that kind of stuff and off grid everything. And, and they have like a little community of

[00:34:48] people living in little tiny homes and trailers off to the side and in the North area of the

[00:34:54] people that just live there and work there. And I'm like, man, that would be cool to just,

[00:35:02] just be away, just live with this little community, making this land, you know,

[00:35:07] caretaking for this land and this, this, um, masterpiece of, of, uh, of a resort. And, uh,

[00:35:17] so yeah, so I'm on the email newsletter and they sent, Hey, you know, we need, um,

[00:35:22] a maintenance technician. We need somebody who's, we need a handyman. And I'm like, um,

[00:35:30] this is what I signed up for this newsletter for like, this is, this is the dream. Uh,

[00:35:36] so I applied and I'm, I've, um, I got a good response from my, from my email and, and we're

[00:35:44] going to do a video interview after this call. And I'm really excited about it. And this is,

[00:35:50] you know, it's, it's early a day. Definitely. There's definitely competition and, you know,

[00:35:55] it's no guarantee, but it feels like, well, two things. One, it feels like it's going to happen.

[00:36:04] Um, and also whether it happens or not, this has been so expansive for me. Um,

[00:36:16] I've, I've said for many years, I am ruined as an employee. Uh,

[00:36:22] Brenton Bush, don't listen to this. Um, I, uh, being self-employed for so long,

[00:36:29] I, I, I can't see myself working for somebody else and, and, and doing what they dictate,

[00:36:35] you know, and cause I, I have my own ideas. I have my own processes. I have my own

[00:36:40] flow and, and speed, and it's not the same. It's not a corporate job. You know, I could,

[00:36:46] I could, and that's the thing is I couldn't fit into a corporate job. I couldn't

[00:36:50] push papers. I couldn't do that. But like, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is,

[00:36:56] but like, this is, this is opening my mind a bit thinking like I could definitely work

[00:37:03] for a cool little community that all is coming towards the same goal of greatness, like that

[00:37:10] easy. And, and so it kind of, you know, expanded my mind a bit of like, Oh, I could,

[00:37:16] even if Brighton Bush doesn't work out, I, I could look at this, this other resorts,

[00:37:21] there's other places, like, this isn't the only cool place. And, um, my, my, my long-term dream

[00:37:31] of owning a property that has, you know, tiny homes that I build on it and, and an event space.

[00:37:36] And, and, you know, that's a lot modeled after this trip to Brighton Bush and this exact space.

[00:37:42] And, um, I'm more or less just wanting to recreate that and live there. I'm like, well,

[00:37:48] maybe I don't have to buy it. I mean, yeah, but also like, maybe I don't have to do all the work.

[00:37:56] Like I can just, I can just be there and do the cool things I want to do without having to fork

[00:38:03] over, you know, work a shit ton to make all this money so that I can buy it and own it. I don't

[00:38:08] need to own it. I don't care about that. I just want to be, I just want to be in this space.

[00:38:14] You have it. Yeah. Um, so like, that's even better. And that's the cool thing about

[00:38:22] manifestation is that you put something on your list and you get that or better.

[00:38:27] Yeah. Or you, you get the thing that's behind the thing that you thought.

[00:38:30] Yeah. What you actually want, even though something you wrote down. Exactly.

[00:38:34] So what does this, so should you, should you get this? What, what does it mean for

[00:38:40] what you, you know, for your current obligations?

[00:38:46] So I plan on still, so I have a guy helping me out, uh, doing a lot of, um, a lot of the labor.

[00:38:56] So I'm, I'm hiring out a lot of labor and I'm for, for rockstar. And I, I do like the, um, uh,

[00:39:02] client relations, contracts, estimates, you know, booking, um, and a lot of the

[00:39:11] expert level construction stuff, you know, and the fine tuning finishing work and, um,

[00:39:19] and materials and everything. It's, it's funny when I, when I first hired my friend to come

[00:39:26] work with us, I, it felt a bit, it felt pretty weird. It felt super weird after doing all of the

[00:39:33] work for 13 years. And then having a guy come and start to help me, um, doing the, doing the labor

[00:39:43] part, I had wrapped up all my self-worth in the labor part, because that was the thing I was doing

[00:39:49] day to day that felt the most productive, that felt the most visible to both the clients and myself.

[00:39:56] And I, I felt so worthless. I felt, I hired this guy because I was going through a major health

[00:40:04] recovery, um, doing a lot of transitions, trying a lot of new drugs and therapies to get myself to,

[00:40:11] to rebuild my body so that I could be healthy again. And it worked. I'm, I'm feeling way better,

[00:40:18] but it, you know, I, I still, I still need the assistance. I don't, I can't, I still can't do

[00:40:25] all the, I don't, I don't want to be lifting 80 pound bags of concrete, you know, to and from the

[00:40:29] job site a whole bunch of times. Like I just, I need to take better care of my body for the long

[00:40:33] term. And, um, and so I'm, I'm really happy to still have, um, still have some help. But that,

[00:40:44] what that process revealed to me was that like, oh, I was doing eight jobs and I just hired out

[00:40:50] one of them, um, which I thought was the most important, but actually, you know, like that

[00:40:59] job can't even happen if I don't do the other seven jobs and, and, and do them really well.

[00:41:06] And so that's been, um, that's, that's been, that's been pretty, um, heavy. That's been,

[00:41:13] that's been a big, um, factor. So anyways, the, what I want to do is continue doing all of that

[00:41:21] work, which is mostly remote. Um, and cause I'll be able to, it will be off grid, but I'll be able

[00:41:28] to have internet connection so we can still do our podcast and, uh, and I'll be able to do, you

[00:41:35] know, work with clients and, and arrange the projects and, and design them and do all that

[00:41:40] work. Um, and then I would want to, like, I'm, what I'm hoping is being able to arrange it so

[00:41:49] that I can come into town once a week for a couple of days, either two or three days, depending on

[00:41:54] what their needs are so that I can be on the job site and, and direct, um, my worker and then,

[00:42:01] you know, have some time with Margaret here at home. And then, because another thing is that

[00:42:06] Margaret, she's starting her own new career and she has her own dominoes that she's been setting

[00:42:14] up and is about to kind of knock over. And I can't, I'm not going to take her away from the

[00:42:22] beautiful tapestry of design that she's unfolding for herself. Um, I'm so excited for her and

[00:42:32] so it's going to be interesting. So, so she would, you know, possibly her, her new career would,

[00:42:37] would at least start out probably part-time. So she could possibly be coming down and

[00:42:42] staying in Brighton Bush halftime and we'd go back and forth and I'm hoping and, and trusting

[00:42:49] the universe that, uh, that things would, would really work out really well. If that would have

[00:42:55] this transition period where we can still have our life here and enjoy this new life out in the

[00:43:03] wilderness. Um, but we'll see, you know, that's a lot to ask. It is. There's a, there's a lot of,

[00:43:13] there's a lot of moving parts as they say, um, to consider. And yeah, I mean, how, how far is

[00:43:21] how far is Brighton Bush from, from where you live? Two hours. So it's, you know, not forever,

[00:43:28] but it's also, it's a trek. It's an hour from the closest major town and two hours from,

[00:43:36] from our place. Yeah. You don't want to be doing that every day. Nope. Definitely not. And also

[00:43:42] I don't, I want to live there. Like that's kind of the point too, is I want to be, I want to have,

[00:43:47] I'm going to spend all my free time, um, serenely, uh, soaking up the, the, the minerals and, and

[00:43:57] all that kind of stuff. Not driving. I hate driving. How, how well do you deal with,

[00:44:04] I don't know if it's liminality necessarily. Um, because it's not necessarily being in that

[00:44:10] liminal space between the two, but it's sort of being in both. It's sort of an ambiguity there.

[00:44:15] How do you deal with that? How does that land for you?

[00:44:19] I feel like at the, in the moment now, I feel pretty good about it. I've realized that there is,

[00:44:26] um, you know, it's possible this could be ideal for them too. Uh, it's possible that this could

[00:44:35] just not work for them. They might just want somebody that's there full time and no, no frills

[00:44:41] about it. Um, which is, which is pretty likely and what I actually kind of expect. And so we'll,

[00:44:50] we'll see, but everyone, everyone's going to have their own, you know, everyone's going to have

[00:44:54] their own stuff, whether it's, you know, their own places that they've got to think about what

[00:44:59] happens to those, you know, lots of people renting, you know, you wouldn't want someone

[00:45:03] to be, to be renting. People have got pets. People have got partners. Like it's, I can't

[00:45:08] imagine it's a simple thing for anyone that they want to bring on board.

[00:45:12] Yeah, I, I would think so. But also it sounds like they have, um, they've had a great response

[00:45:19] from the newsletter. And so I'm, I'm aware that there with a, with a variety of people and stuff,

[00:45:27] there could be a more optimal situation to them. But, uh, I've really also, man, I feel like,

[00:45:35] and I knew I said this in my, in my cover letter and email and stuff. I'm like,

[00:45:39] I really feel like I'm, I'm bringing a lot of the things that you could really want. Like I'm,

[00:45:46] I feel like a prime candidate for, for this scenario, not only with my, you know, 25 plus

[00:45:53] years of experience in handyman and remodeling stuff and kind of a lifetime in it. Cause my

[00:45:58] father would flip houses and I was just always, I've always been in construction zones. I've always

[00:46:04] wanted that. And then also, um, like as I've developed my own skills, I have a appreciation

[00:46:12] for really good quality work. Like that's super important to me. I don't want to just

[00:46:19] throw something together and slap it together. I want it to be great. Um, which I think that

[00:46:27] kind of ethic really shines with them. I think that's something that they,

[00:46:31] they want and appreciate. Plus I have this transition idea of trying to become some sort of

[00:46:39] shaman or yoga teacher or mindfulness, like kind of coach of some sort. Like I, I, I, I want

[00:46:48] to work on, on, on this field with, with they, the events that they host, there are teach yoga

[00:46:55] teacher trainings and, you know, mindfulness escapes and like the, the same type of stuff

[00:47:01] that I would be working on. And it's like, I would fit with the vibe that they're going for

[00:47:06] completely. So it feels like a, it feels like a match made in heaven.

[00:47:11] Wow. Gosh. Um, Oh, and then also at the same time, uh, I've got, I've got my

[00:47:18] contractors boards, uh, mediation date for one month from now. And I have my arbitration date

[00:47:24] for three to three months from now. So the lawsuit is official. It has a date and, uh, it's,

[00:47:33] you know, this could be my, my dream. I want to keep running rockstar while I'm

[00:47:39] off in Brighton Bush. Like that could be a fantasy from the other end. I could,

[00:47:44] rockstar could be gone in three months. And, and, and all I have is going down to Brighton

[00:47:51] Bush and working for a small wage, but getting health benefits and another, another, um, you

[00:47:58] know, perks, but I don't, I don't know what the universe is going to throw at me.

[00:48:04] Oh gosh. And, and, and that's it. It's, um, yeah, in my, in my more serene moments,

[00:48:11] I like to think that I can just sit back and say, well, I can't, there's no,

[00:48:15] and my dad's very good at this. Like, there's no point worrying about the stuff that you can't

[00:48:18] control. Um, and, and both me and my mother who are somewhat neurotic have sort of said,

[00:48:25] it's just not that easy. Um, but you know, it's a practice and hopefully there's a way

[00:48:31] to develop that more. Um, but man, I wish you, um, uh, well not just luck, but I, yeah, I wish

[00:48:40] you get the things that you want. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Me too. Well, I, uh, I have some things

[00:48:48] for my manifestation list for this challenge. You know, I, I deservingness of this, like, I feel,

[00:48:55] I feel worthy of it for sure. Uh, you know, I've worked super hard. I've done all the things that

[00:49:02] make me feel completely perfect for this job, deserving of it. I feel like, you know, halfway

[00:49:11] there, three quarters of the way there. I feel, I feel pretty deserving of it. Um, but I definitely

[00:49:16] feel like I could still work on that and, uh, we'll see what's been, uh, what's been going on

[00:49:23] for you this week besides the TBM group. Um, a lot of it really has been thinking about this,

[00:49:34] this new thing, um, this sort of new area that I want to step into and what that means stepping

[00:49:41] away from. Um, but also going back and forth in, in terms of getting caught up in the minutia of

[00:49:52] how to make the little details work. Um, and then going, you, you, you have to not do that.

[00:50:01] You've got to stop doing that. Um, because yeah, this, this path will, will emerge, you know,

[00:50:07] like, um, so as to kind of give you an idea of where I'm trying to go, um,

[00:50:14] Um, my idea is that I want to share the music and the, the stuff that I make as a way of

[00:50:26] signposting or modeling, I guess, that you can do this stuff and it can have meaning and

[00:50:35] you can touch one or two people's emotions with what you do, but it doesn't have to be

[00:50:42] the thing that brings you income. You can just create the thing out of love, um, and just be

[00:50:48] happy that, you know, that engages with some people. Um, and, and so that's what I'm trying

[00:50:53] to, the, the idea anyways, I want to show my working. So I, I'm, um, I'm working on a Christmas

[00:51:01] song. Um, and I thought it would be, it would be fun to, to do that. And so I'm going to do the

[00:51:08] idea is I'm going to, I'd like the idea of making a new song a month and documenting that, that

[00:51:15] process and sharing it online, showing this is what this sort of, you know, this life looks like,

[00:51:23] um, and showing as well, you know, how I evolve, um, and how I learn new stuff about the actual

[00:51:32] as well. Um, and it's then the, the, the bit in the, in the, in the middle of which I'm still

[00:51:38] sort of wrestling with, because that there's something about that, that feels good, that kind

[00:51:43] of feels so wholesome. And, you know, there's, there's ways from a very strategic point of view

[00:51:49] to turn these little pieces into bigger pieces. Um, and by the end of it, you've sort of built a

[00:51:54] music video, you know, that, that can go along with the song. And then, yes, this, you know,

[00:52:00] someone wants to buy the song for a dollar or whatever, that's fine, but that's not really

[00:52:04] the point. Um, and that's, and that's all great because it means I can do the thing and it means

[00:52:09] I can, I can just make what I want to make, but I don't have the pressure because it still has

[00:52:13] a purpose. I don't have the pressure of, of it, you know, having to make a lot of money. Um,

[00:52:19] and then the, uh, and so, so the, the sort of the, the, the disconnect that I'm working with is

[00:52:26] I want to sell because I don't expect to sell that stuff. I'm realistic about that.

[00:52:32] So what I want to sell is the stuff that helps other people with their creative work.

[00:52:37] Um, and so like, I'm a big checklist person and so like checklists and, um, like, um, frameworks

[00:52:47] and things like that to help people plan their projects and think about what they, what they

[00:52:51] want to do. Potentially selling my time on one-to-one calls because when I've done it before,

[00:52:57] like I was saying earlier, like I've found that that's something that I can do is, is help just

[00:53:02] sometimes it's just being with people, um, while they're on that process and helping them when

[00:53:08] they're feeling like they're, they're falling off. It's like, let's give you that, that stabilizing

[00:53:13] hand or let's ask you those questions about your self-worth or about what you think you can ask for

[00:53:17] because, you know, we can struggle with it ourselves. Uh, and we do, but that doesn't

[00:53:24] preclude us from doing it for other people because it's just, it's really hard to do it for yourself,

[00:53:28] but someone else can ask, you know, the, these, these questions. And so, um, so there's sort of

[00:53:33] that aspect and then another piece of it that kind of excites me or just makes me think it

[00:53:38] would be really lovely is doing a sort of, cause you know, and you've listened to all the different

[00:53:44] permutations, I really enjoy the sort of the sit down at the mic, here's what's going on.

[00:53:51] Here's some thoughts. And I love the idea of doing that as a sort of members only thing about

[00:53:59] what is going on backstage, basically. Um, so what is how, you know, the business of Mark

[00:54:06] Stedman effectively, what's going into that, how is it working so that those that really want to

[00:54:13] dig into it can do that. And, you know, some people just want to support what I'm doing.

[00:54:16] They can dig into it. Um, and so that's sort of what that's kind of where all the pieces that

[00:54:22] I've got kind of laid out and some of them fit together really well and some of them don't quite

[00:54:26] yet. And so my, my days and my evenings have been sort of going back and forth about how that works

[00:54:34] and is it insane? Uh, is it not irresponsible, but there's a lot of, um, okay. So something that

[00:54:44] came up, uh, for me last year is I started, I kind of started this process last year. I, I, I,

[00:54:52] I really had this moment of like, I want to work with creative people who feel that they have some

[00:54:57] kind of neurodivergence and do the kind of things that I was describing in terms of

[00:55:03] coaching. And I don't really like the word coaching, but mentoring and, and, and that kind

[00:55:07] of stuff and did, did some of it. And then my dad got really ill. Um, and I remember him,

[00:55:16] I remember sitting with him in the hospital. Uh, he's much better now. Um, but I remember

[00:55:21] sitting with him in the hospital and him sort of asking what I'd done this week.

[00:55:26] And I felt so small and so childish talking about this thing because it felt so

[00:55:38] inconsequential and so frivolous. It suddenly just felt like in the face of everything,

[00:55:46] what are you doing? Like you've, you should be focusing on making sure that you can

[00:55:51] get the work in so that you can spend time making sure that not only is your dad okay,

[00:55:57] because there's limited things you can do for your dad, but you can certainly help your mum

[00:56:00] look after herself and make sure that she's, you know, um, feeding herself, you know, cause,

[00:56:06] cause she won't, cause she'll be worried so much about my dad. She won't think about herself.

[00:56:10] Uh, and, and, and, you know, running around and doing what needs to be doing and picking up slack.

[00:56:15] And my brother was also doing huge amounts as well, but you know, that's, that's sort of what

[00:56:18] was in the, in my mind. It was like this, it wasn't even like, this doesn't feel like the

[00:56:24] right time. It's just like, it felt so yeah. Like what are you doing? Um, and so I really

[00:56:31] had that sense of, I've got a, and I ended up, I had to fire my coach over it cause I had a coach

[00:56:37] and I felt like she just wasn't like, she was so enthusiastic about this, which was great.

[00:56:42] But when I sort of got to the point of, I think I need to just knuckle down and double down on

[00:56:49] what I feel like I know I can do to bring money in and just have some stability.

[00:56:56] Um, like I, we, we came to an impasse on that because like she knew what I wanted in the long

[00:57:04] term, but I'm like, right now it doesn't matter. Like I need to get this, you know, sorted. Um,

[00:57:10] and so a lot of it I'm revisiting, like even, even the brand, like even the little icon that I did,

[00:57:16] you know, I liked my little face with no eyes and a heartbeard. Um, all of that stuff was done

[00:57:21] last year. There's stuff that I'd written last year. Um, and so that that's coming back. Um,

[00:57:27] and so yeah, a lot of it is sort of returning now, but I guess, you know, I feel a little bit

[00:57:33] more stable and ready to start thinking about that. So yeah, that's awesome. That's what's

[00:57:42] been coming up for me this week. Yeah. Yeah. I hear, um, from your story, I hear a bit of

[00:57:49] kind of similar to me, a desire to help your community, a desire to help, to, to,

[00:57:54] to be more connected and, and to not just have your own hustles and your own projects and,

[00:58:01] and things going on, but to be doing things that are a little bit more connected with other people

[00:58:07] and people that are close to you. And I, I, um, I resonate and respect that. Yeah.

[00:58:13] And turning lights on for the people. Um, I, you know, I really love that, that, that ability

[00:58:20] to make a light appear in someone's head to go. I didn't know that, that I got to, you know,

[00:58:26] that I get to do this. I didn't know that I could or, or whatever. Um, or, you know,

[00:58:32] removing a blocker for someone like, Oh, that kind of stuff is so good. It's so good. Like it

[00:58:38] feels so good. And when you realize you can do it, um, you know, in, in, you know, the naive

[00:58:44] kind of ways that I do, I'm, I'm no, you know, this is one of the reasons I don't call myself

[00:58:48] a coach and I don't feel qualified, but I'm absolutely qualified to ask questions. And a

[00:58:53] lot of that is just like, do we think that's true? Like, that's the question that I ask a lot. It's

[00:58:58] like, you know, when someone says I can't do this or, or, you know, it's like, is that,

[00:59:02] is that true though? Um, that's kind of a lot of what it is. Um, and that's just, you know,

[00:59:08] when, when you actually hit those moments where you think, you know, a session hasn't gone that

[00:59:12] well and then, and then you, you, you come up the next week and someone says, I've been thinking

[00:59:16] about, you know, this thing that you said, or this thing that we talked about, or like helping

[00:59:21] someone get off their ass and, and ship, you know, they want to, but there's, there's that thing in

[00:59:26] their way, like whatever it is, like, yeah, it's, it feels great. Um, and so that's, that's

[00:59:32] absolutely part of it, but I also, yeah, there's, there's, there's also the, the other aspect of me,

[00:59:37] because I live in this duality of quite fluffy and, and, and, uh, as I've discovered over the

[00:59:42] last few years, just, you know, very squishy and into that whole stuff, but also in other ways,

[00:59:48] really structured and really pragmatic, um, and, and, you know, efficient, uh, and that kind of

[00:59:54] stuff is like, that's also really important for me. So it's like having this skeleton, this

[00:59:59] scaffolding, this rigid scaffolding that then you can just have a big bowl of candy floss on the top

[01:00:06] of that you can dive into, but knowing that there is this structure in place as well, like it's a,

[01:00:12] it's, and I, I, I'm going back and forth and finding that difficult to, uh, categorize or to,

[01:00:21] to, to make, to help make sense for the people that, that sort of duality. Um, so yeah, it's,

[01:00:28] it's all going to be a fun and weird challenge. Yeah. Another thing I'm hearing, especially from

[01:00:34] what you just said, but kind of a combination of all this stuff, uh, I'm reminded of the Enneagram.

[01:00:41] We're both nines and we, we, that we like to help people. We like to mediate. We like to, um,

[01:00:48] uh, we can see all sides, but the thing about the nine is that, uh, it goes to six in stress and it

[01:00:56] goes to three in security. And so when we're stressed out, uh, we go to six with which we,

[01:01:03] um, we kind of get a little bit more, um, uh, a little more anxiety and, um, we want to

[01:01:17] we want to check with a committee, both an internal committee of different voices in our

[01:01:22] head to make sure something's all right. And an external committee of different people,

[01:01:26] checking our ideas and checking our, our path and everything going forward and making sure

[01:01:32] everything's fine. And we want to get that feedback from, uh, from multiple people.

[01:01:35] I nearly paid $1,500 for a 90 minute session on that this morning.

[01:01:38] Oh, wow. Yeah. Just, just, just, just by way of illustrating that.

[01:01:43] Okay. Yeah. And then in, in security, um, and this for me, and I think for you as well,

[01:01:51] we're most secure in our jobs and our profession, because it's like what we're

[01:01:55] putting a lot of time and effort into. So we feel very secure when we're working in,

[01:02:00] in security, we go to three and three is, uh, is the achiever. It's, it's, uh, it's, it's, um,

[01:02:09] you, you, I, I, I don't, I don't have the great words for, for three, but it, it,

[01:02:17] you have this sense of, I know what I'm doing. I can do it. This is, this is going to be great.

[01:02:22] Um, you can cut corners a little bit, but only in the, in the, in the sense of efficiency,

[01:02:30] it's like not cutting corners in a bad way, but cutting corners, like this really doesn't need

[01:02:34] to be done. Let's just get rid of it. Like when said, well, a one will go for a perfectionist

[01:02:39] will have to do every single step, very rigidly. Uh, three will be like, we don't actually need

[01:02:46] to do all these steps and let's just be efficient. And it's much more about efficiency. And that,

[01:02:51] that kind of came out with, with some of the stuff you were saying that made sense to me.

[01:02:57] And that's, that's work that I want to do more of. Um, uh, you know, I, I did buy, uh, a pretty

[01:03:05] comprehensive guide to the Enneagram. Um, and I think it's funny enough, it was in audio book form.

[01:03:12] And I think the last time God, I think this is true. The last time I hit play on that audio book

[01:03:20] was when I was on the train, um, to meet my dad in, in hospital. Um, and I don't think I've,

[01:03:29] you know, listened to it since, because again, it just, yeah. Um, whereas if I'm, you know,

[01:03:37] if I'm to do this work, uh, part of that is, is having a good understanding of, of, I think,

[01:03:43] you know, what people's needs are and where they intersect. Um, and so, you know, getting,

[01:03:48] getting more of a, a good sense of that, you know, and I, I love the fact that, uh, we were

[01:03:53] sharing in our little pod, um, all of these different book, um, recommendations. And I think

[01:04:00] I've got, I've put them down in a, in a list somewhere and I'm going to put them into notion

[01:04:03] and make sure I've got all the links there so that I can start working through those.

[01:04:07] Cause a lot of that stuff I'm really interested in, in how we help the person around the creative,

[01:04:12] um, you know, cause there are bits and pieces that we can take from whether it is self-compassion

[01:04:18] or, uh, the body keeps the score or, you know, there's all these little things that we can

[01:04:22] absolutely take in or I can certainly take in my work and, and you as, as a, as a burgeoning yogi

[01:04:28] can take into your work to as, as little reference points to help people when they come across

[01:04:37] certain challenges to go, I've got a, I've got a map for that. You know, I, I know where we go

[01:04:41] from, you know, for this, have a read of this, or let's look at this and see how it applies to you.

[01:04:46] And the more that we have of those and keep them in a little roller decks in our mind,

[01:04:50] I think the more we can be useful to people. And I really liked that in a sense, we're both

[01:04:57] entering into a similar kind of thing, but you're very much of the body. Mine's kind of the,

[01:05:03] of the mind and the heart, but they absolutely intersect. Um, and, and yeah, I think it's,

[01:05:10] I think it's rather cool. Um, well, yes, um, go well, uh, go gently.

[01:05:17] Um, and, uh, I look forward to hearing what happens next week.

[01:05:40] I love how we, uh, we started this podcast to talk about our projects that we were working on.

[01:05:50] And it's expanded to so much more than that. I think at the same time, it's still,

[01:05:55] it's still the same thing. Yeah, exactly. It's convergence. It's emergence. It's,

[01:06:00] um, you know, it's, it's all, it's all good stuff.

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